


It's Not His Time

by ZinevichS



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Big Brother Gabriel, Big Brother Lucifer, Big Brother Michael, Cutting, Dean Being an Asshole, Depressed Castiel, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Football Player Dean, Gay Bashing, Gay Panic, High School, Homophobia, Homophobic John, Homophobic Language, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, Jock Dean, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Little Brother Sam, Little Sister Anna, M/M, Nerd Castiel, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Gabriel, Protective Sam Winchester, Sad, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2017-12-02
Packaged: 2018-05-29 05:02:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 26,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6360592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZinevichS/pseuds/ZinevichS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where people's time of how long they have to live appears above their head. The person can't see it, only other people.</p><p>Dean Winchester is a popular football player at Lawrence Kansas High. Cas was someone who didn't have any friends and was nerdy, who Dean bullied everyday, having low self esteem already.<br/>When Dean goes to far one day and sees Cas's numbers go down to 20 minutes, what will Dean do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Countdown

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Teach Me How To Die and Live Again](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2266266) by [dearcst](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearcst/pseuds/dearcst). 



> I love this AU. LOVE IT.
> 
> May add tags along the way.

You never really talked about them.

They were just there, usually people ignored them, the numbers above people's heads. The numbers counted down to the day you died. They appeared the day you were born and never left until you died. People were so used to seeing the floating numbers they took no notice, didn't bother concerning and worrying about the numbers.

Castiel tried to hide away from everyone at school.

No one talked to him, he had no friends. He was a loner with only his smarts to get him by. He tried not to stick out, but that wasn't the case. He stuck out, considering everyone knew that he was interested in boys only, well mostly everyone.

He stuck out to the point that he got his own tormentor.

Dean Winchester.

Most popular guy in school, football quarterback for Lawrence High School. The guy was a jerk, but he was beautiful. Not just beautiful, breath taking, and isn't that just a bitch? Having a crush on your tormentor? On the guy who ridiculed and beat you down every day.

But he was beautiful.

Cas pushed up his glasses and packed his stuff, ready to just go home to his family.

He slung his backpack over his shoulder and walked out of school, heading for the direction of home.

He was almost off school grounds when Dean called to him."

"Cassie going to go and hang out with his friends? Oh wait, he doesn't have any." The group around Dean laughed and Dean walked over to Cas, pushing his chest, making him fall in a puddle, knocking his glasses off and breaking them.

"Where you going nerd? Going to see that abusive daddy maybe? Wait daddy doesn't want you, you were taken in by your siblings. Man, I feel bad for them having to deal with your ass."

Cas's father had abused him, only him. The story got out and made public and he was taken away. Cas's oldest sibling watching over him now and the others.

Cas's eyes watered and he stared up at Dean, who was smirking.

Cas had never had good self esteem, lowered effectively by his dad and then himself when he started believing he was shit and now by Dean. He never caught a break. Cas self harmed to deal with all the pain, no one knew.

Cas could feel the slight itch of his cuts under his sleeves.

"Cassie gonna cry? Awh, go cry to mama, oh wait. She's dead."

His mom was brutally murdered in a mugging, which was investigated and posted. This had been the downfall of Castiel's father and inevitably Cas's.

Tears rolled down his face, he couldn't do it anymore. It was too much.

The bullying, having no friends, the self hate. His life.

He was done, this is it. The last straw. He couldn't deal with this anymore.

Dean smirked at Cas, his smirk faltering when he saw the fat tears roll down his face. Dean wasn't really a bad guy.

Funny to say that but he wasn't. He only did this to keep people off of him, he knew he wasn't perfect. He did have some regret doing this to this poor kid but not enough to not be able to fall asleep at night.

In all honesty, Dean thought this kid was kinda adorable.

Dean glanced up at the numbers above Cas's head, stomach dropping at what he saw.

20 minutes.

That's what the numbers said. Only 20 minutes. Cas was to die in 20 minutes, and because of him.

Deans heart dropped.

He didn't want this kid to kill himself just because Dean's an asshole, he didn't want that blood on his hand.

Cas rose to his feet, picking up his bag and glasses, he ran from the group. Dean watched him go.

19 minutes.

Dean panicked, he left his group and went to his car, peeling out of the lot and in the direction Cas had went.


	2. Precious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have plans for this story. Big plans.  
> But I also take suggestions, and I'd love to hear what ya think.

Dean frantically looked for the blue eyed boy in the trench coat, he didn't realize that his words had affected him so much.

_/Going to see that abusive daddy maybe? Wait daddy doesn't want you, you were taken in by your siblings. Man, I feel bad for them having to deal with your ass./_

_/Cassie gonna cry? Awh, go cry to mama, oh wait. She's dead./_

How could Dean say those things? He knew what it was like, that kid had the exact same life as him, except his never went away.

Dean's mother had died in a fire and for that his dad's downfall. He abused Dean but Dean always took it, he didn't want his dad to go after Sammy, never Sammy.

Dean saw the trench coat first. The boy had his head bowed and itching at his sleeves, he was soak. All because of him.

Sammy would be ashamed of what Dean had been doing to this kid.

Dean rolled his window down and slowed down next to him.

15 minutes.

"Hey, Cas."

Cas's head jerked up and looked towards Dean, "What do you want Dean?"

"I-uh- Can we talk?"

He scoffed, "We are, but I'd rather not be."

 "Cas- Just please? Get in the car for like 5 minutes."

Cas looked hard at Dean, "Why? So you can make fun of me again? So I can feel worse about me life? No thanks."

Dean glanced up at the numbers, 14 minutes.

"I am not going to make fun of you, I shouldn't have either way and I'm sorry but please get in the car."

Cas thought about it, he looked at Dean, who looked kind of spooked and sighed. He walked towards the car and Dean stopped.

Cas opened the passenger door and sat in the seat.

25 minutes.

Dean started to move the car again, glancing at Cas every now and then.

Cas stared out the window, not knowing what he was really doing in this car, with his tormentor.

Maybe he should just get out? Open the door and hope the fall kills him?

5 minutes.

Dean saw the numbers go down way low and he panicked, "Cas, I'm sorry for everything I've done to you."

Cas turned to Dean, "Why are you doing this?"

Dean glanced up real quick then back to Cas's face, trying to be subtle. Cas noticed.

"...You're only doing this because of my numbers! Which I'm guessing are low because you wouldn't have sought me out if they weren't! You just don't want the fucking blood on your hands, you don't care."

Dean shook his head, "You're right but I _do_ care, I don't want you to kill yourself!"

"Dean let me out of the car."

Dean shook his head, eyes staring hard ahead.

"Let me out!"

"No!"

Cas huffed, "Fine, I'll jump out."

3 minutes.

Dean turned his stare towards Cas, horrified, "NO! Cas- Look I'm sorry! I'm so fucking sorry for everything I have said. You've had a shit life and I made it worse and if I had known-"

"It doesn't matter. Let me out of the car Dean. _Please_."

Deans heart dropped at the sound of Cas's voice breaking. He shook his head, stubborn, "No. Not unless you are not going to kill yourself today. I need your word that I will see you at school tomorrow, fuck, I won't antagonize you anymore. I'm so sorry for everything I've said, I only did it because I thought I had too. I actually hated myself for doing those things to you Cas. You shouldn't go through that."

Cas sighed and looked out the window, "Why do you care Dean, I'm just a nobody." He rubbed at his sleeves. Dean frowned.

"I care because no one's life should ever be taken because some people are assholes. Life gets better, I promise."

Cas turned to him, "Does it though?"

Dean stared hard at the road, fists clenched on the wheel, "It does."

Cas stared at Dean, at his determined eyes, his jaw set, fists clenched. Dean seemed really determined to not let Cas kill himself, which he hadn't made up his mind about that yet but Dean could see his numbers and it probably told his decision. Cas nodded.

"Okay."

Dean softened and glanced at Cas, "Okay?"

Cas nodded, "I promise I won't kill myself Dean."

80.9.20. 80 years, 9 hours, and 20 seconds

Dean sighed in relief, "Do you want me to take you home?"

Cas nodded, "Please..."

Cas was shivering now, he hadn't realized that he was cold since he was so angry.

Dean glanced at him then back at the road, "There's a sweatshirt in the back seat. Take off the trench coat and put it on, you're shivering."

Cas looked in the back seat and grabbed the sweatshirt, shedding his trench coat and putting the sweatshirt over his damp clothes.

He quietly whispered, "Thank you."

Dean gave a soft smile, "Where do you live? I've been kinda just driving down the road you were going down."

Cas gave Dean directions and they pulled up to a nice two story, modern house. Cas got out of the car, thanking Dean again.

Before he could take more than a couple steps away, Dean called him back again.

"Hand me your phone."

Cas's face scrunched, "Why?"

Dean smiled, "Just give me it."

Cas handed the phone over and Dean put his number in and put Cas's in his, handing it back.

"Text me if you need me." Dean gave him a smile that made Cas's heart involuntary stutter and backed out of his driveway, no doubt heading home.

Cas went up to his house, eyes looking at the screen, he read the name _Dean_. His heart thumped loudly.

Maybe he has a friend now? Cas smiled and went inside, being greeted by his siblings.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter done. :D   
> I'm working on the third one already, might have it up later today, who knows. :)


	3. The Beaten and the Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two in one day!?!?! Wow! I'm on a roll. Maybe I should make the chapters longer?

When Cas opened the door he was greeted with loud chatter.

He shut the door and it quieted. Michael came out of the kitchen, wiping his hands, "Hey Cas. How was school? Who's sweatshirt are you wearing?"

Cas looked down, He forgot to give Dean back his sweatshirt. He'd give him it back later. He looked to his oldest brother, "A friends, school was... Different."

Michael rose an eyebrow, "Did that Dean person push you in water? You're soaking. Where's your glasses?"

His family knew about what happened at school, but unable to help.

Cas nodded, "Ya... My glasses got broken..." Michael tsked and mumbled. Cas caught the words, 'asshole jocks.' Cas gave a wire smile.

His phone went off and saw it was from Dean, _'I remembered I broke your glasses. Let me buy you another pair, since it's my fault.'_

Cas smiled and walked to his room, replying _'It's fine, you don't need to do that.'_

Deans reply was immediate, _'Really, I insist. Tomorrow after school? We can also grab a bite.'_

Cas's face scrunched, was Dean asking him on a date? He replied, _'Okay.'_

_'Great it's a date.'_

_'Wait, I didn't mean it like that.'_

Cas smiled, _'It's fine Dean, see you tomorrow.'_

_'See you Cas. Have a good night.'_

Cas smiled and laid down on his bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean closed his phone, small smile on his face. He set his phone on his dresser and stood up from his bed, going downstairs.

He was in the middle of making dinner for him and Sam when their dad stumbled in, drunk.

Their dad wasn't supposed to be home for a week.

John went straight to the fridge, looking for beer.

"Where's the fucking beer?!"

"You didn't give us enough money for food this week, let alone beer. I couldn't even get you any, I'm only 17. Besides I think you've had enough."

His dad slammed the fridge door, turning to Dean.

"Don't sass me boy!"

 Dean flinched but tried to conceal it, he straightened, "Maybe you should go lay down? Sleep it off."

His dad grumbled, "Don't tell me what to do." He pulled out a glass and the whiskey, sitting at the table.

Dean huffed quietly and went back to making dinner, adding more on for his father.

When it was ready Dean set a plate down for his father then called Sam down. He sat his brothers and his down side by side, sitting at the table.

Sam came running down but slowed when he saw his father. Sam wasn't blind and naïve, he knew what his dad did, what Dean did for him.

They ate dinner quietly. That is before their father threw the plate on the floor.

"This fucking sucks!"

Dean growled, "Well you never left us enough money for the week so we had to get by."

Their dad growled back, "Learn your manners boy."

Dean stared at their father, unimpressed, "Why don't you just leave dad? We don't want you here."

John stood up and growled, pulling Dean out of his seat. Sam stared between the two.

"Sam leave."

Sam gapped at his brother, "But Dean-"

"Now Sam!" Sam scampered up the stair, slamming his door and curling on his bed, tears streaming.

John threw Dean down, "I'll teach you how to respect your father, clearly you haven't learned."

Dean knew the hits were coming but it didn't help lessen the pain, both physical and emotional/mental.

By time John was done Dean was pretty sure a couple ribs were broken and he had bruises all over his torso and back. John sprawled out across the couch and passed out after. Dean struggled to get up and slowly walked up the stairs, holding his ribs. He went to Sam's room.

Dean opened the door and Sam sat up, wiping his eyes.

Dean gave a small smile, "Hey Sammy."

"Are you okay?"

Dean walked in and Sam's line of sight went straight to his arm holding his rib cage. Dean sat down on Sam's bed and groaned. Sam pawed at his shirt, trying to lift it up.

"Sam, I'm fine."

He scoffed, "Liar. Let me see De." Dean let up his arm and Sam pulled his shirt up, his torso was black and blue already.

"Do you have any broken ribs?" It was a rhetorical question because Sam poked his ribs a second after it left his mouth, causing Dean to hiss and pull away.

"We should wrap them. and put some ointment on the bruising, I'll be right back." Sam got up from the bed and ran to the bathroom, coming back with the first aid kit.

"Dad really took it far today," Sam said while wrapping his big brothers ribs.

"He hadn't beat me for awhile, had anger to get out I guess."

"Dean, why do you always-"

Dean interrupted him, "Sh Sammy. It's my responsibility-"

"No! It's not! You shouldn't be just taking the beatings, hell there should be no beatings at all!"

Dean growled, he wasn't going to let Sam ever take the fall, "Shut it Sam. I'm the older brother, it's my job to protect you and that means from dad too. I take the beatings so you won't have too. We both don't need to be hurt."

"But Dean, then I should at least shoulder some of it, you shouldn't be the only one dealing-"

"Sam, I much rather take the hits then have him hit you. It's really not that bad, I've gotten use to it. Please, can you just-just drop it?"

Sam huffed but nodded, "Fine. I just don't like how I always have to patch you up for dad's stupidness."

Dean chuckled but it turned into a groan from his ribs jostling, "I'll heal Sammy, I'm okay." He laid back on the headboard.

Sam nodded and laid down beside his brother, snuggling up to his side and quickly falling asleep. Dean stared out into space, thinking.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cas knew he over thought things a lot. He wished he didn't. He really wished he didn't over think this one thing.

But he did and now Cas is in his room, in the dark crying with a blade to his wrist.

The previous cuts had barely healed much and he was already making more.

Cas had thought to much on the situation with Dean and now he managed to make himself think that Dean was just fucking with him, that this was all a sick joke and Cas was the punch line. So he was here, crying his eyes out and harming himself.

24.4.07.

No one got to see the numbers though, it was late and Cas couldn't see them himself.

Cas cleaned up, he always cleaned up, no point in worrying his family, and went to sleep that night with cut wrists and wet eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoped you like :D More on the way, suggestions welcomed!


	4. Deans Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized that this story is like another one on this website. I read the other, mine will be different but the ideas are the same I guess? Like how I started it I meant, if people have a problem with this then I will take this story down. 
> 
> I don't want any problems with anyone, so just tell me and it's gone.
> 
> Didn't mean to delete the one comment either, sorry.

Dean felt like shit the next morning. He really debated on skipping school but remembered he had plans with Cas.

Did Dean really want to involve himself with someone who everyone didn't like or bother to know? Did he want to take the chance?

He remembered the tears that rolled down Cas's face and he instantly made up his mind, he did. He wanted to be friends with this kid but he was afraid. He didn't want to get attacked at school for it, he already had enough shit at home, but he wanted to get to know Cas; really know him. Cas interested him and he wanted to see the kid grow, not wither away and die, which surely would happen sooner or later. While he was thinking last night he had thought about his mother, how she would have been disappointed in how he treated Cas. That he hadn't tried to be his friend, make him feel okay. Dean wanted to make his mother proud and he wanted Cas to be okay. He just had to work on the part of being okay that people aren't going to like his choices, but it doesn't matter. He doesn't need the fake people, just the real ones.

Dean groaned and rolled out of bed, forgetting his ribs but remembering when they made a furious come back, shooting pain all around his body. He was stiff from how he slept. Sam was already up and moving about, getting ready for school.

Dean tried to stand under a water spray but it soon hurt too much so he shut it off and went downstairs, their father was gone again and there was more money on the table. Dean let out a sigh of relief, not just for their father being gone. At least their father remembered they had to eat and left money, he wouldn't have to give his portion to Sam for a while. They both could eat. Dean had to get out today and start looking for a new job, his old one fired him.

Bastards.

Sam was in the kitchen fixing breakfast, Dean glanced at his numbers.

95.09.12.

Sam would be living a long life. Dean often wondered how long he would be living but it didn't really matter, he was fine with whatever, as long as Sam was good. He figured it was long since Sam never showed his concerns about it.

After the brothers had eaten Dean drove them to school.

Dean barely saw Cas throughout the day, and when he did he noticed he looked like shit. He was drawn in and had dark circles under his eyes, eyes shifting around mostly. When they made eye contact Dean gave a small smile and kept talking to his friends. Dean noticed Cas seemed surprised at that. Dean looked up at his numbers.

19.07.03.

Dean frowned, he would have to see about that.

After school Dean sought out Cas, he was at his locker, putting things away. He was glad that he didn't have football practice today, _that_ would have been a bitch.

Dean had managed to get his friends to leave him alone and he leaned on the side of the lockers, careful of leaning off his ribs, the locker door blocking his view of Cas.

"Hey."

Cas jumped and dropped all his things.

"Shit, sorry." Dean bent down to help pick up, wincing a little. Cas looked at him while picking his things up.

"What-Why?"

Dean smiled, "We had a date remember?"

Cas spluttered, "B-But y-your friends? Y-your- I-I'm me and I-"

Dean smiled, "I told my friends to head home, I got stuff to do. Their not around but even if they were it wouldn't matter, I told you I was sorry for what I did, I shouldn't have and I'm not going to anymore- I, uh, would actually like to be your friend."

Cas's face scrunched, Dean was starting to think the face was adorable, "Why?"

Now it was Dean's turn to look confused, he stood up, "'Cuz I find you an interesting person and would like to get to know you? Is that wrong? Plus, my momma always told me to never bully people, you don't know what they are going through. Since I kinda know about what you went through, it's not really nice of me to do that to you, I was a dick. My momma woulda' whooped my ass if she found out."

Cas stood up and slowly nodded, "Okay..."

Dean nodded and handed over the things he held in his arm, Cas putting them back neatly in his locker.

Dean looked at Cas and smiled, "Ready to get new glasses?"

Cas nodded and smiled, it was quite cute- wait cute? Adorable? What's going on with Dean's vocab? Dean shrugged it off for now.

"You really don't have too, my brother can get me new ones."

Dean waved it off, "Nonsense. I broke 'em, I'll pay for 'em."

Dean led Cas to his impala, "We need to wait for my brother though, he'll be here soon, we gotta drop him off at home first though."

Cas nodded, "Okay."

"You can get in the front, Sammy can sit in the back."

Cas nodded and got in the passenger seat. A few moments later the back door opened and Cas saw Deans brother for the first time. A shaggy haired boy sat in the back, his smile bright.

"Hello! Who are you?"

Dean cleared his throat, "Cas, Sam. Sam, Cas. Long story Sam." And ain't that the truth?

Sam beamed at Cas. Cas smiled back, "My name's actually Castiel. Cas is a nickname."

Sam nodded, 'Well it's nice to meet you, Dean never brings home friends so I never meet any of them."

Cas smiled widely, he was the first friend Sam had met of Deans? Didn't that just feel nice to know.

Dean saw Cas's numbers grow, turning to how they were the day before after Dean had talked to him, he smiled at that. Sam could brighten anyone's day. Dean pulled out of the parking lot.

"Sam, me and Cas got some stuff to do so I'm dropping you home, text me if dad comes home, I'll be there asap."

Sam scowled, "Dean-"

Sam turned stern eyes to Sam through the rearview mirror, "Sam."

Cas watched the interaction and noticed the tension, his curiosity peaked.

"Fine, how are-"

Dean didn't let him finish, "Fine Sam. Fine, now drop it." Sam got another stern glare, Sam shrunk back into the seat. Cas stared at Dean, questions in his head.

Dean dropped Sam off, reminding him to text if their dad came home.

When they were back on the road, Dean spoke to Cas, "Where do we go to get your glasses?"

Cas shrugged, "Walmart."

Dean glanced at him, eyebrow raised in a 'Really?' kind of look. Cas shrugged.

"Well alright." Dean pressed down on the accelerator, driving to Walmart.

Dean was pleased that the glasses hadn't cost a lot. Dean pulled into a diner. Cas gave him a questioning look.

"I said we'd grab a bite after." Dean smiled brightly and got out of the car, wincing. Cas following suit.

They were seated and they ordered. Dean was quite surprised when Cas ordered the same thing as him, a bacon cheeseburger, but with vegetables instead of fries.

They made easy conversation while they ate.

"So Cas, tell me about your siblings."

Cas chewed and swallowed, "I have three older brothers and a little sister."

Dean whistled, "Woo, that's a lot. To think, I could barely handle just Sammy." Dean chuckled, Cas smiled.

"Yes, it is quite challenging sometimes but they are good, we all take care of each other."

Dean smiled, Cas continued, "My oldest brother is Michael, he is the one who mostly provides for us but we all do our fair share, well except my little sister Anna. She's too young to help much. Then my brother Lucifer is the second oldest, then Gabriel and me and Anna. We all try to help out Michael, hes had it hard."

Dean nods, "Is your family religious? You all have angel names."

Cas nodded but his face turned sad, "My parents were very religious before..."

Dean nodded, "I understand. So, how was your mother like? I-I mean, that is, if you want to talk about her."

Cas gave a small smile, "She was amazing. She kept all the boys in line, always told me and Anna that we had to stick together or we would be over runned by the others."

Dean laughed, "She sounds awesome. Why did she tell you that? Wouldn't you over run them too?"

Cas grew shy, he fiddled with his hands, "I, uh, I didn't really act like how my brothers and father acted. I-I didn't really act boyish. I acted more like a girl... Probably one of the reasons why I turned out like this."

Dean scrunched his face, "Like what?"

Cas glanced at Dean then glanced away, "I, uh, don't necessarily like girls like... How other guys do. I go for the other team..."

Realization cleared on Dean's face, "Oh, well then I see why your mom would say that to you." Dean smiled at Cas, who gave a hesitant smile back.

They discussed movies and music and Dean learned that Cas liked classic rock, never saw the star wars trilogy and hated the god awful movie, the Godfather. To which Dean had gapped at him for about five minutes.

"So tell me about your family."

They were interrupted by Deans phone going off, he gave an apologetic face to Cas and picked it up.

"Ya Sammy?"

_'Dad's home... and he's angry and wants to speak to you.'_

Dean's face paled and he nodded, "I'm on my way, go into your room and lock the door. _Do not_ come out."

Dean hung up the phone and threw down money, grabbing Cas's hand and running out the door.

"Dean?"

They got in the car and Dean peeled out of the lot of the diner. Dean glanced a look at Cas, "Sorry Cas. I need to get home." Dean thought for a second, should he take the risk of leaving Sam there alone long enough for him to drop Cas home or should he take him with him? Dean didn't think it was good to have Cas find this out like this but he had no choice, he wasn't risking Sam's safety.

Cas nodded, "Your dad is home and I assume that is bad?"

Dean shot a surprised look at Cas, who shrugged, "Ya. Ya it's bad. Listen, I don't have enough time to get you home right now... I really need to be at my house when my dad's there. Just, when we get there, go through the back door and up the steps and find Sam's room and he'll let you in. No matter what, don't come out and don't let my brother come out. No matter what."

Cas nodded, "Okay..."

Dean shot a look at him, "I mean it. I didn't want you to learn this so early but I'm not risking it. Not when it comes to my little brother."

Cas nodded again, "I understand." But Cas was confused on why Dean was saying this, surely it wasn't that bad?

Right?

Right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they got there Dean shut the car off and ran inside. Cas snuck in from the back. He could hear the yelling from outside though.

"Where the fuck were you?"

Dean replied, "Out."

A growl, "You're supposed to be here, taking care of your brother. Taking care of me!"

There was a shatter and Cas stopped, this was all too familiar but Dean couldn't be going through that, not when he had at first tormented Cas about it. Maybe it was one of the reasons why he felt bad for doing it?

Cas scrambled up the steps and located Sams room, knocking lightly, "Sam?"

There was a click and Sam peeked out "Cas? Why are you here? Dean didn't drop you off?" He opened the door wider and Cas slipped in.

He shook his head, "He said he didn't want me to learn this but he couldn't risk your safety. Sam what does your dad do to you guys?"

Sam shook his head, "He doesn't do anything to me, Dean doesn't let him. Dean always takes the hits, I've tried getting him to stop and let take on some of the load or something but he's stubborn."

Cas heard more yelling and shatters, "How often does this happen?"

Sam shook his head, "Mostly every time that dad's here. Dean always sends me up here and have me wait it out until he comes stumbling in here all beat up. I'm usually the one who puts him back together."

Cas was shell shocked, he couldn't believe this.

~~~~~~~~~

John's fist slammed into Dean's cheek, knocking him back into the wall.

"You are an ungrateful son of a bitch! I bring in the money to keep you two fed and you have the nerve to disrespect me like that!?"

Dean got pissed, "You should know I'm not a son of a bitch because I'm the son of your fucking deceased wife! If you have any memory of her then you should know she was an amazing woman you fucking dick!"

John pushed him back into the wall, kicking his knees, making Dean fall. John kicked Dean's stomach and Dean cried out, the earlier beating not having healed yet.

Dean tried to always not scream out because he didn't want Sam to hear that, to hear his big brother get hurt by the one person they were supposed to trust but Dean's ribs hurt, a lot.

John kicked him a few times, screaming words that Dean couldn't comprehend and then it stopped. Everything was quiet. John left.

Dean stumbled over his feet, having to take breaks to be able to breathe through the pain but he got to Sams room, thumping his fist on the door. When it opened Dean practically fell into Cas's arms.

"Dean!"

Cas tried to carry Dean over to the bed but it was more like dragged. Dean's breathing was wheezing because of his ribs, he was sure more of them were broken, great.

"Should we take him to a hospital?"

"N-No. D-Don't need the hospital."

Cas stared at Dean like he was crazy, "I am pretty sure you have like half of your ribs broken, you should go to the ER."

"NO!"

Cas flinched and Dean wheezed. Sam explained it, "We don't have health insurance... Dean just needs to lay back for a week or two and let himself heal, then he'll be better."

Cas looked uncertain and stared at Dean like he had three heads. Dean gave a smile, "S-Sammy can fix me up. I-I'll be fine but I don't think I can drive you home Cas. S-Shoulda taken you before I came home. You d-didn't have to see this. Guess you know about my family now." Dean tried to chuckle but it just turned into a groan.

Cas shook his head, "I-"

"I think you should get home, it's late. Your brothers will worry."

Cas looked at the clock, it was 10pm, he looked back to Dean.

"Dean-"

Dean smiled, "See you later."

Sam showed Cas out and Cas looked to the stars, wondering what he should do.


	5. The Bullies and the Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god, I am exhausted while writing this so if this totally sucks ass, I'm so sorry.

Cas didn't see Dean at school for a week now.

Even though they hadn't talked during school the one day they still saw one another at some point. Cas figured Dean was laid up in bed at home with his broken ribs.

Cas had learned that even though Dean had stopped bullying him and since he wasn't present meant that his group of jock friends saw Cas as free bait, they had followed Dean around and since he wasn't here, they had a mind of their own.

"Hey fag." Cas internally groaned and held his books to his chest, walking faster to try to get to his class without getting into a fight.

"Hey! I was talking to you!" A hand clasped around his shoulder and turned him around harshly, another coming down and knocking his books down. Cas bent down to pick them up.

A foot stepped on his hand and he whimpered, "Maybe next time you'll show a little respect and answer." A hand grabbed his hair and forced his head up, "Just because Dean stopped beating you up for some reason, doesn't mean that we will."

Cas gave a smile, "You guys have enough brains to actually do that without him? Congratulations." He was rewarded with a punch to his face that knocked him back.

"Fucking faggot getting smart, just watch out." The group walked away and Cas sighed, curling his stepped on hand to his person, he started collecting his things.

When another set of hands started helping him he looked up, right into a girl with blond hair and into gray eyes.

"You're Cas right?"

He nodded. The girl handed him his things, "Thank you..."

She smiled, "Jo. I'm a friend of Dean's, he told me about you, asked me to keep watch while he was laid up."

Cas nodded, "Well, I don't need to be watched. I am fine."

Jo raised an eyebrow then glanced down, "Ya because that crushed hand looks fine alright, sorry I couldn't get there faster. Woulda' stopped those assholes. Maybe we should get you to the nurse, get that hand checked out?"

Cas looked down to his hand, it was turning blue and purple already, he nodded.

The walk there was quiet but Cas was fine with it, he was lost in his thoughts. He hadn't realized they were at the nurses until he was asked something.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

The nurse smiled politely at him, "Can you take off your jackets, or roll them up, so I can get a better look at your hand?"

Cas panicked, his cuts weren't healed, "Uh, no. I would like to keep it on."

The nurse frowned but nodded, doing her best to work around the sleeves. She wrapped his hand and sent the two to class.

The rest of the day went by smoothly but Cas just wanted to get home. The day was long and shitty, he wanted to be in the safety of his bedroom with his thoughts and the comfort of knowing his razors were just a breath away. His mood had taken a dramatic change from earlier.

He wondered if he should text Dean and see how he was doing but decided against it, thinking he would be better off without Cas disturbing him. Plus he had Sam to take care of him, he was sure Dean was fine.

While walking home Cas wondered what the brothers times were, usually you weren't to think of those or look at them, just keep going on with your day but he was curious. The day before had been to hectic to look at the numbers above the brothers head. He made sure to remember next time he saw them.

When Cas got home the house was quiet. He walked around and found a note on the counter, stating that Michael was called into work, and the others were out shopping and would be back soon with dinner. Cas laid the note down and went to his room, stripping of his jackets.

His phone buzzed and when he looked at it, it was a message from Dean.

_'Hey! How was school?'_

_'Fine. How are you doing? Your dad hasn't returned has he?'_

The reply was immediate, _'No. Thankfully, I'm doing good. Doesn't hurt as bad now, should be returning to school soon.'_

Another message soon followed, _'Hey, you should come over. I'm bored, Sammy hasn't came home yet and I bet you got nothing to do.'_

Cas sighed, he didn't really want to interact with anyone but he didn't know how to say no so he said yes.

_'Be there soon.'_

_'Sweet, the door's unlocked. I'll be in the living room, watching a movie. Hey! Maybe we can watch the Star Wars Trilogy!'_

Cas gave a small smile, even if he was feeling shitty. He dropped his things and changed into more comfortable clothes, sweater and sweats, grabbing his trench coat on the way out. He made his way to Deans, texting Gabriel on the way and telling him he's going to a friends.

The door was unlocked when he got there and Dean was true to his word, in the living room watching a movie. He looked up when he heard Cas.

"Hey! So, we are so watching Star Wars. I still can't believe you have never seen one!"

Cas shrugged, taking his coat off and laying it on a chair, "Never had the time I guess."

Cas shrugged and slowly made his way to what Cas guessed, where the moves were, "Well, you get to see them today! Get comfortable on the couch."

Dean grabbed the first movie and put it in while Cas settled on the couch, Dean settling right next to him when the movie started playing.

Dean noticed Cas's bandaged hand and frowned, "What happened?" He gestured to the hand when Cas looked at him confused.

"Just a couple of assholes." Dean gritted his teeth, he knew _what_ assholes. He let it go for now.

During the movie the two had significantly gotten closer together, almost cuddling. Dean was laid back against the back of the couch, one arm on the rest and one on the back of the couch. Cas was scooted more towards Dean and was slouching, arms in his lap, sleeves slightly rolled up, exposing his wrists.

Dean looked down at Cas and feeling his gaze Cas looked up. They stared for a moment, seemingly getting closer before Dean blushed and looked away from Cas's eyes and right to the angry red skin on Cas's wrists.

His eyebrows furrowed, he grabbed Cas's wrist and pulled it to his face, moving the sleeve more up. He got a good look at the hundreds of straight lines, scars old and new. Cas froze.

There was no way these were accidents. Dean looked up at Cas, his face contorted in anger, grief, sadness, and confusion.

"Cas?"

Cas yanked his arm back and stood up, grabbing his coat and shrugging it on, rushing to the exit.

If Dean hadn't been healing from broken ribs he might have been able to chase after him.

"Cas!"

The door slammed shut as Cas left.


	6. Ignore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh, this is gonna have some smut. Beware.
> 
> I've been like busy with SAT's and helping my friends with some shit, so I'm sorry. I had wanted this chapter out earlier.

Cas ignored the recently new text he got, knowing it was already from Dean.

He slammed his door open, startling his brothers and sister, and ran upstairs, slamming his bedroom door closed.

There was a knock on his door and he screamed.

"Go away!"

He waited and when it was quiet for 10 minutes he sighed out.

Then the tears came.

Cas slid down his bed, tears streaming, and gripped his hair.

How could he be so stupid? How could he forget about his scars and cuts and let Dean see that? He was going to think he was a freak or one of those depressed emo kids looking for attention. God, he fucked up.

He pulled his phone out and looked at his messages, all from Dean.

_'Cas, come back.'_

_'Please, we need to talk.'_

_'I just want to understand why.'_

_'Please.'_

Cas closed his phone and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears.

There was another knock and Cas groaned, why cant they leave him alone?

The door popped open and Gabriel poked his head in, "Hey Cassie... Can I come in?"

Cas shrugged and then nodded. Gabriel fully walked inside and shut the door behind him, going and sitting beside Castiel against his bed.

"Wanna tell me what's wrong?"

More tears leaked from his eyes, he leaned on Gabriel, "Not particularly."

Gabriel nodded, "Will you tell me if it becomes bad then?"

Cas nodded.

"Okay, wanna play a video game with me and Luci?"

Cas smiled, "Okay." The two brothers got up and Cas left his phone on the bed, not wanting to worry about Dean. He followed Gabriel downstairs and to their living room where Lucifer had the game set up, already with three players.

"Hey Cassie! You two ready to get your ass kicked?"

Cas scowled, "Language Lucifer." Then his eyes glanced over to Anna, Lucifer scoffed.

"She'll swear sooner or later, what's the point?"

Cas scowled more and grabbed a controller, settling down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean ran his hand through his hair for what seemed like the hundredth time, waiting for Cas to reply.

Sam walked in the door to Dean pacing.

"Dude, you should be resting. Not up and pacing. Why are you pacing?"

Dean turned to Sam, "Just- Nothing. Just something with Cas."

Sam rose an eyebrow, "What's up with Cas?"

Dean shrugged, putting his phone away, "Don't really know right now. Hey, do you want pizza?"

Sam nodded, "Sure."

Dean grabbed his keys and left.

On his way home he pondered about going to Cas's but figured that would be weird and decided he would just text him again.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Cas had played video games with his brothers for about an hour and a half before he excused himself and went to take a shower.

Cas stood in the shower thinking about the days event. The swelling on his hand had gone down and it was almost back to normal.

He washed his hair and his body, his thoughts drifted to Dean. Deans beautiful smiled, his amazing eyes, his wonderful body.

God that body.

Cas's hand went down to his dick, softly rubbing it up and down, making himself get hard. He thought of Dean, of his body, of how nice he was, what he wanted Dean to do to him.

Cas grasped his dick and stroked up and down, slowly getting faster.

"Fuck."

He squeezed his dick, rubbing the precome around when it leaked out. He could feel his release coming.

_'Come on baby. Let it go, cum for me.'_

Cas screamed, cum shooting out and splattering the tiled wall and slouching when he was empty. He immediately felt horrible after.

How could he think of Dean like that? It would never happen, Dean's straight and Cas? Cas is scarred.

Cas looked down at himself and saw the scars on his wrist, thighs, and hips. How was anyone going to love this, let alone Dean.

Cas turned the water off and wrapped a towel around himself, checking the hall to make sure no one was around, then ran to his room. He changed into sweats and decided to sleep just so he didn't have to be conscious.


	7. Get Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sprained my ankle yesterday so I can't do much, possibly get more chapters out faster! :D

The next day Cas wondered if Dean was going to be at school, he hoped he wouldn't.

Ain't that something?

He got ready and walked to school. While walking he heard a familiar growl and he prayed that they wouldn't see him. When Cas had woken up this morning he had a couple new messages, all from Dean, which he ignored.

He heard the car slow and then he was being spoken too.

"Cas, do you want a ride?"

Cas looked and Dean and Sam were staring at him, expectant looks on their face.

Well he can't just refuse an offer like that without it being weird, could he?

He walked over to the car and Sam got into the back.

The car ride was silent. Dead silent. Dean's music the only thing that was making noise.

Cas wondered if Dean told Sam what happened. He hoped not.

When they got to the school Cas got out and was about to walk through the doors before his arm got grabbed, making him immediately tense.

Dean let go quickly and took a step back, "Sorry! Sorry! I just- Can we talk after school? Please?"

Cas stared at Dean for a minute, Dean looked nervous, sad, and conflicted all at once. He nodded and turned around, going to his first hour.

The school day went by much too fast for Cas's liking, not wanting to have to talk to Dean about what he had seen. He really didn't want to talk about it.

Cas wondered if he should go to Dean's car or if he should just start walking home. Looks like he didn't need to decide, Dean caught him before he could make a decision.

"Hey Cas. Sammy's going to a friends so my house will be empty, wanna go there and talk?"

Cas shrugged. He didn't think there was much of a choice.

Dean got in on the drivers side and Cas slid into the passenger seat. The ride there was the same as the ride to school, quiet.

When they got to Deans house Dean went straight to the kitchen, getting something to munch on.

Cas took off his trench coat and laid his stuff on a chair, sitting on the sofa, Dean joining him.

"Do you want anything?"

Cas just sighed and turned to Dean, "Can we please just get this over with? I probably already know what you're going to say."

Dean frowned, "No, I don't think you do. Cas, I just wanna know why man? What could you possibly think to make that okay?"

Cas for angry, "How do you know how I feel? I was abused by my father for  _years._ Then when I get away from him, I'm already too damaged from his shit that I feel worthless and hate myself and then I come here and have no friends. Everyone hates me, calls me a fucking faggot because my secrets got leaked. I get bullied and not even just by you but all those fucking "friends" that you hangout with. My life's been a living hell all my life and this was how I fucking chose to cope so if you have a fucking problem with it then you can go fuck yourself with your stupid perfect life Dean. Fuck you."

Cas got up and went towards his stuff, intending to leave. His arm was grabbed and he was twisted around.

"You think I have a perfect life? Oh I'm sorry, what happened a week ago just slipped your mind? You don't remember me getting beat until I was black and blue? I sure do, it  _still_ fucking hurts Cas. I'm sorry you've had a hard life, that sucks man, but you do have friends. I'm your friend and I care about what you do to yourself!" 

Cas yanked his arm back, grabbing his stuff, "You just don't understand Dean and I didn't expect you too."

Dean took his shit from him, "Well you aren't leaving. I said we were going to talk and I'm not letting you run again."

Cas groaned, "I already told you. What else is there?"

"Well then we're just going to hangout." Dean grabbed Cas's sleeve and pulled him to the couch. He sets up the DVD play and puts the Star Wars they left off in, going to the kitchen to make some popcorn for the two.

When Dean sat down his ribs twinges with pain and he winced, Cas looked at him out of the corner of his eyes, turning to face him when Dean was fully seated.

"Are you okay?"

Dean nodded, "It just gets a little uncomfortable when I sit sometimes. I'm fine." 

"I'm sorry Dean, for getting mad and yelling at you. I just, I'm not used to having someone care about me besides my brothers and they think I stopped harming myself. You weren't supposed to find out."

Dean looked down at Cas and into his clear blue eyes and nodded, "I understand. But now you have someone who cares about you. I just don't want to see you hurt Cas."

They stare intensely into each others eyes for a long time, forgetting about the movie.

Their heads move closer together and before they can comprehend what is happening, Cas goes the last inch and touches Deans lips with his. Dean can barely respond back before Cas jolts back, looking like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

"I-I, uh. I'm s-so sorry. I-I didn't-" Cas gets up, looking like he's going to run.

Dean grabs his hand and pulls him down, presses his lips gently to his, separating a second after.

"It's okay Cas. I feel it too. It's okay." Dean presses another kiss to Cas's slightly chapped lips, licking at his bottom. Cas lets out a moan.

Dean pulls Cas down on his lap where Cas sits on him and they simply kiss. Sweet, gentle kisses that make both of their hearts flutter.

Dean doesn't rush the kiss, not like how he would with one of the girls at the school. He wants this to last, he wants it to be slow.

And that's a scary thing.

Dean doesn't do slow, he does one-night stands. His longest relationship was a couple months with Lisa but he wants this. He wants this so bad. Every day.

That crippling fear of damaging everything he touches fissures up but he squashes it down, hard. He doesn't want to ruin this. He _won't_ let himself ruin this.

Their kissing slowly, softly. Cas is relaxed in Dean's lap and everything fades out around them. It's... Nice.

A throat clearing causes Dean to jump and push Cas off, causing him to hit the ground, hurt look taking over his features. He looks over the couch, Sam's standing there.

"Am I interrupting something?" He's smirking at the two, while Dean's having an internal panic attack.

"S-Sam, what are y-you doing here? Thought you were at a buddy's?"

Sam's smirk turns soft when he notices Dean's nervousness, "Ya and they just dropped me home. But I see you guys are busy, so, I'll let you get back to that. See ya!"

Dean stands up, "W-Whoa, wait. What?"

Sam turns to him, "What?"

"You're not going to," Dean makes a hand gesture.

Sam shrugs, "Just because our father is a homophobic asshole doesn't mean that I am. I think it's great, you should date whoever you want man. Plus, I think Cas will be good for you, keep your ass straight." Cas had gotten up too and was standing by Dean now, lightly smiling, but Dean is still tense, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

"Don't worry, I won't tell dad but I don't want to hear anything."

Sam goes up the stairs and into his room, shutting his door. Dean turns back to Cas.

"Sorry for throwing you, you're really light. I didn't realize it would be that easy to toss you."

Cas smiled, "It's fine."

Dean smiled and leant to give him a kiss.

Cas broke it, "What does this make us?"

"Whatever you want it to be angel."

Cas blushes and looks down.

Dean lifts his chin up, giving him a sweet kiss, "Castiel, will you go out with me?"

Cas stares at Dean and then nods, smiling. Dean smiles and leans down to kiss Cas.


	8. Reject

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my Jesus. Prepare for angst!

It's been about two weeks since Dean and Cas had gotten together, the only people who knew were Sam and the two involved. Dean had asked if they could keep it a secret for a little bit, Cas was okay with it.

Cas had gotten friends at school since. He now had, Garth, Charlie, Jo, Ash, and Benny as friends. Cas was unnerved. He wasn't use to having friends, he's been a loner all his life but he was happy. Really happy. They were also Deans friends, the ones he kept close.

That was before today.

Dean doesn't talk much to Cas during school, usually with his popular friends, but Cas didn't mind. He got to have Dean after school, all to himself. It wasn't a problem.

The day had started normally. Cas usually walked with Jo and Benny to first hour and that was what he had done. When third hour rolled around, Dean had appeared and dragged him to a empty bathroom.

They made out against the wall of the bathroom, grinding against each other. The two hadn't made it past making out and they weren't going to in here. Doesn't mean that they couldn't have some fun.

They grinded against each other, sucking each others faces off.

The door opened and then there was a voice.

"Dean Winchester is gay?!"

Dean pushed Cas off, a little too roughly, making him fall to the ground.

"No! H-He just came at me." Dean shoved out of the bathroom, leaving the school grounds and leaving Cas, heartbroken.

Cas looked up to see Dean's 'popular' friends looking at him. He collected himself and made his way out of the bathroom but was stopped by a hand gripping his arm.

"Dean Winchester isn't a fag like you, don't force it on him fucking faggot." He was pushed out of the bathroom and Cas ran. He ran out of the school and down his street to his house, tears streaming.

When Cas slammed open the door his siblings all stared wide eyed at him.

Michael rose from his seat, "Cas?"

Cas sniffed and ran to his room, slamming and locking the door.

There was a knock on his door but he didn't answer, he was curled around his pillow, soaking it in tears.

"Cassie?" Gabriels voice wafted through. Cas sniffed.

"Will you let me in please?"

Cas got out of his bed and unlocked his door, clinging to Gabriel.

"Cas, what's wrong?"

Cas sniffed and let go of his brother, moving to sit on his bed. Staring stubbornly at the ground. Gabriel shut the door and sat next to him.

"I- You all know how I like guys. Well, I had a boyfriend you hadn't met yet, you were going to meet him soon but today-"

Gabriel wrapped his arms around him, pulling him in, "Who's ass do I need to kick?"

Cas gave a watery chuckle, "It isn't Dean's fault-"

"Dean Winchester? The guy who had tormented you for years? You were dating _him_?"

Cas nodded, "He doesn't torment me anymore and he's actually really sweet."

Gabriel scoffed, "Obviously not since he's the reason you're here crying."

"He was put in a position that made him hurt me. It's not his fault-"

"Bullshit! If he was a good boyfriend he wouldn't hurt you period! No matter the reason."

Cas looked up at Gabriel, eyes shining with tears. Gabriel sighed and hugged him closer, "It's okay Cassie. He's just a stupid boy, he's not worth crying over."

"B-But Gabe, I-I'm pretty sure I love him..."

Gabriel looked down at Cas, "How long have you been dating?"

"Only a couple weeks-"

"Then how could you know?"

Cas sniffed, "I've felt feelings for him for a long time and when I'm with him, he makes me feel so happy Gabe. He makes me forget about our past."

Cas started crying again and Gabe just held him, quietly shushing him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean was at home pacing. Sam walked in when his school let out.

"Dude! Why didn't you pick me up?"

"Sorry Sammy, I fucked up. I fucked up so badly."

Sam's face contorted into concern, "How so-" He was interrupted by the doorbell going off.

Dean answered and was rewarded with a punch to his nose. His vision became blurry.

"What the fuck!" He looked up into unrecognizable gold eyes.

"You son of a bitch."

Dean held his bleeding nose, hearing Sam behind him, ready to defend his brother.

"Dude what the fuck? I don't even know you!"

The guy growled, "All you need to know is that you fucking hurt my brother. He is crying his eyes out. The punch will not be the worst that I do to you, when I'm done you'll need a hospital!"

The guy stepped forward and Dean stepped back, "Whoa! Whoa, who's your brother man?"

"Castiel" The guy seethed.

Dean paled, "I-"

"You are a selfish bastard. He told me what happened. You only care about your fucking ego and pride being in tact. You don't care about him! You don't fucking deserve to have someone like Cas love you! You fucking asshole!"

Dean stopped backing up when Gabriel said love, "H-He loves me?"

"Yes you stupid ass! I don't understand how when all you are is a fucking prick to him! My brothers and sister are with him trying to calm him down. Do you know how I felt when I saw his numbers decrease and I couldn't do anything? He told me you make him forget about his past, that's how happy he is with you and you don't even care!"

"Dean..."

Dean looked behind him and to Sam, who had tears in his eyes. "Sammy."

"How could you do that to Cas?"

Gabriel looked to Sam, "Your brother's a big bag of dicks."

Dean looked from Sam to Gabriel, "I need to talk to him-"

"No."

Dean moved closer to Gabriel, "Please. I- I don't want to lose him. I know I was a stupid asshole, I shouldn't have just left him like that. I know how cruel those kids can be. Please. Just let me speak to him and if he doesn't want to talk to me ever again then I will leave him alone."

Gabriel stared at him for a minute before sighing.

"Fine. Follow my car."

Dean nodded, "Sammy, I'll be back."


	9. Begging For Forgiveness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These past few chapters have been kinda short. I'm sorry, I'll try to get longer chapters out. (:

When Dean and Gabriel had both pulled up to the house, Dean was nervous.

Was Cas going to forgive him? Take him back?

When they walked in Dean got another punch to the face.

"You son of a bitch! Gabriel why did you bring him to my household!?"

Dean groaned and cradled his jaw, "Okay, as much as I deserve these punches, can I just speak to Cas? Please?"

He looked towards the guy who punched him, figuring it was Michael since he said 'my household' and Cas had told him he was the one who provided.

Michael looked like he wanted to hit him again so Dean took a step back, Michael folded his arms.

"No. Leave, you've done enough." Gabriel slipped past them and Dean watched him go upstairs, probably to where Cas was.

Dean dropped his hand and stood straighter, "Look, I know I fucked up. I fucked up bad but I want to make it right. Please."

They heard running and then Cas was at the top of the steps, the two looked up at him. Dean noticed he was tear-streaked and red. He wondered how long Cas had been crying for.

Dean sighed out, "Cas."

Cas flinched and stepped back.

"Cas, please." Dean stepped forward and Cas took another step back, shaking his head.

"No. No, No!" Cas turned around and ran from the stairs. Dean made to follow but was held back by Michael.

"You need to leave. Now."

Dean looked helplessly back and forth from Michael to the stairs, "Please, just let me go and talk to him."

"He doesn't want to speak to you, clearly you can see that."

Dean looked helplessly at Michael, "Please. Don't let him end it like this- It'll be bad for both of us."

Michael shook his head, "You hurt my brother for a long time and when you finally stop, you hurt him again. You're just going to hurt him more and I can't have that. My brother doesn't deserve that."

"I know! I know I don't deserve him but please! I can't stand to end it like this."

Michael shoved him out the door, "Leave Dean. Goodbye."

The door was slammed in Deans face and Dean sat on the ground, his eyes burning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cas was locked in the bathroom, his siblings knocking on the door.

"Cassie, come on out. Dean's gone. Please?"

Cas gripped his hair, pulling, trying to keep his sobs quiet but not succeeding. He pulled his hair and bent down and got up, pacing.

He didn't know what to do and he just wanted everything to go away. He couldn't think, couldn't handle it right now. He wished things were how they were before, before the bathroom incident. Where he was happy with Dean and wasn't here, bawling his eyes out.

Why did Dean have to do this? It didn't help that he had shown up.

Cas took a seat on the floor, against the wall and stared at the opposite wall, into nothingness. He stayed like that for hours, eventually crying himself to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean stayed on the Novak's porch for a good hour before he picked himself up and went to his car. He pulled his phone out, going to Cas's contact, hesitating over it.

He clicked message and sent one to him.

_'Please baby, let me explain. After I'm done and you decide you never want to speak to me again then I won't bother you, but please Cas.'_

Dean's head thumped against the seat, he sat there for a couple minutes before starting his car and setting for home.


	10. Recover and Family Disagreement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this exhausted from work. I hope this was okay. More will be out soon hopefully.

When Dean had gotten home that night he was exhausted, not just physically but mentally too. He just wanted to go to sleep and forget the nightmare that he had just been through. Though, he knew it'd come back tomorrow when he woke up and Cas would have never replied to him.

Sam was waiting up for him.

"Sam why didn't you go to sleep? You have school tomorrow."

Sam crossed his arms, "So do you."

Dean shrugged his jacket off and threw it over a chair, "I had to make things right. C'mon kiddo, lets get you to sleep."

"Did you make things right?"

Dean sagged, "Not now Sammy-"

"So I take it Cas didn't forgive you. What did you even do?"

Dean winced, "I embarrassed him and left him to bully's, now come on Sam. Bed."

Sam huffed but went up the stairs, "Fine, but you gotta make this right Dean. I like Cas, he's good for you."

Dean gave a small smile, "I'll sure as hell try Sammy, I sure as hell will try."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cas had woken up with a headache sent from hell and freezing on the cold bathroom ground. He got up and unlocked the door, going to his room. It was around 6am, he had to get ready for school. Great.

When Cas got to school he was bombarded with questions from his recently acquired friends.

"What happened?"

"What did the idiot do?"

"Are you okay brotha'?"

Cas groaned trying to cover the whimper, "I don't want to speak about it please..."

He kept walking to his locker, the small group of people following him.

"Maybe you should at least talk to him? I haven't seen him yet though."

Cas shook his head, "I don't want to talk to him. I just want to get through the day and go home."

Cas left them to go into his first hour, taking his seat and keeping his head down.

He was just going through the motions just waiting for the end of the school day.

When the last bell had finally rang he went to his locker and got his crap.

He was turning around when he was slammed against the locker, lips on his own.

He struggled but the body was too strong and pinning him against the lockers. His eyes closed and he relaxed the longer him and the stranger kissed.

He could tell whose lips they were. There was only one person he knew that had those plush lips.

When the person pulled away they stopped pinning him to the lockers. Cas opened his eyes to stare into green orbs.

"Dean-"

Dean cupped Cas's face, "Please baby. Let me explain. Don't ruin us before we even got started."

Cas sniffled, "Dean- I-I can't. I-"

Dean gave him a light kiss, "Come with me. We'll go to my place and we'll talk. Please sweetheart."

"Dude! Go!" The two looked over and Jo and Charlie were there.

The shouting had caused the kids who hadn't gone home to look over at them. Cas blushed, Dean look back to Cas.

Dean grabbed Cas's hand and dragged him towards the exit. They were stopped by Dean's "friends". Who were blocking the exit.

"Dean! Man, what are you doing with that fag?"

Cas shrunk back from Dean, trying to get him to let go of his hand.

"Dean..."

Deans hand tightened on Cas's own, "Move. We're leaving."

One of the guys stepped forward, "Man, why are you hanging out with him? He's a nobody."

Dean pushed his way through the group, pulling Cas along with him.

Dean kept hold of Cas until he got to his car, he opened the passenger door and waited for Cas to get in.

Cas didn't get in.

He looked up at Dean, "I think I should just go home."

Dean shook his head, "No, I won't be able to talk to you there. Please, we really need to talk."

Cas stared at him for a moment then sighed, defeated, getting into the car.

Dean shut the door and ran over to the drivers side, turning the ignition and taking off.

The ride to Dean's was quiet.

"Do you not need to get Sam?"

Dean shook his head, "Told him to go to a friends for the day. I was planning this."

Cas rose an eyebrow, "What if I decided not to come?"

Dean glanced over at him and shrugged, "I would've begged more. If that didn't work, well, then, I would've been sad and lonely."

Cas nodded and looked out the window for the rest of the ride.

When they got to Dean's, Cas exited the car slow but they were soon inside and sitting on the couch.

It was quiet again.

Dean cleared his throat, "So- Uh. Cas I want to say I'm sorry for leaving you like that in the bathroom. I, uh, had a panic attack. See, no one knows that I'm bi but Sammy. Hell, my dad's homophobic, always sneered at gay couples he saw. He would tell me and Sam that it was wrong, that it was a sin. He didn't raise me like this, I found out that I sorta thought guys were attractive when I was at the end of middle school. I freaked out, my dad would whoop my ass if he ever found out. He thinks I'm a ladies man, that I get all the girls. It, scares me for that to get out that I'm bi and I'm so sorry I panicked and left you."

Cas sat there, just quiet after Dean was done speaking. He didn't know what to do. Was Dean actually sorry? Or would he hurt him again? Cas was tired of being hurt.

 Dean cupped his face after Cas didn't answer, "Please. Give me another chance and I promise you will not regret it."

"I-I don't know Dean..."

Dean sat back, "Okay. I'm going to do something. If you don't want this then reject me." Dean leaned forward and kept leaning forward until their faces were only centimeters apart.

"Back out now if you want too."

Cas shook his head and leaned the rest of the way, connecting their lips.

Dean leaned back against the couch, bringing Cas with him, their lips still connected. Dean grabbed Cas's hips and pulled him on his lap.

Their kissing turned heavy as their breathing.

Cas groaned and grinded down, making Dean get hard.

Their grinding intensified and Cas was trying to pull up Dean's shirt.

Dean stopped him, "W-Wait. Wait Cas." He pulled Cas's hands away from his shirt, holding them in his own.

"What?"

"I don't think we should go any further right now." Cas drew back at that, looking embarrassed and insecure at the same time. Dean pulled him back to his body.

"No, don't do that. I want you- God, do I want you- but we just worked out our problems. Lets not rush this, you deserve slow. You deserve to be treated with respect."

Cas looked bashful but nodded. He was about to speak but his phone started ringing.

"Hello?"

_'Cas where are you?'_

Cas flushed, "Uh... At a friends."

Michael sighed, ' _Come on home, dinner's ready and I'm sure you have homework.'_

Cas nodded but realized Michael couldn't see him, "Okay. I'll be home soon."

When he hung up he looked shyly at Dean, "Michael wants me home."

Dean nodded and got up, "Let me take you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sadly, Dean's car made a lot of noise and Cas's siblings recognized it when they pulled up. Michael was already halfway down the driveway by time Dean parked and the two got out of the car. The rest of the family slowly coming down.

"You son of a bitch, you have some nerve!"

Michael was about to punch him but Cas stepped in front, Dean flinching away, "No! Please Michael! Don't, hit him."

Michael stared dumb struck, "You- He- He deserves it Cas! He made you bawl your eyes out. You fell asleep in the bathroom!"

"I know but we worked things out. Please, don't hit him."

Gabe scoffed, "And what if he hurts you again Cas? How can you know he's not going to do it again?"

Dean spoke up, "I know I made a mistake, a terrible one and hurt Cas bad but I want to try to make up for that."

Cas looked from Dean to his family, "He even was confronted by his friends and told them to move. Please, just give him a chance."

It was Michaels and Lucifers turn to scoff, "As if. Come on Cas, get inside." Michael turned around and went inside, slowly the others did too. Cas looked at them then turned to Dean.

"I'm sorry. I'll talk to them, hopefully they'll soon be okay with it." Cas made to go but was pulled back around to Dean.

"You believe me when I say that I won't hurt you again, that I want to make up for it, right?"

Cas chewed his lip but nodded, "I do. Hopefully, you won't make me regret it." Cas gave Dean a peck on the cheek and went inside, leaving Dean on his driveway.


	11. Caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I know i haven't been posting and I'm truly sorry for that.
> 
> My life has gotten really busy, I haven't had much time but to go to school, work, and sleep; if that. I will really try to start posting more but I can not make promises. I want to try to start posting after I get off of work but sometimes I am too tired too. 
> 
> If you're sticking with this story, I love you :) You're amazing. I will get chapters up ASAP. Stay awesome.

Cas went inside his home and closed the door quietly. He heard chatting in the kitchen so he walked in there.

All his siblings were in there, they all grew quiet when he walked in.

"Castiel, how can you forgive him so easily!?"

Cas sighed quietly and straightened, "Because I love him. Please Michael, he made one mistake. Everyone makes mistakes! Just give him a chance, please!"

Michael huffed but the longer he stared at his brother the more he felt himself give in. 

"Fine. One chance, he fucks it up then I'm sorry Cas, you won't have my support."

Cas nodded and ran and hugged him, "Thank you."

Michael patted his back, "Ya whatever. Now go do homework or something."

~~~~~~~~~~

The next day Dean was at Cas's locker when Cas got to school.

"Hey Cas."

Cas went to open his locker, glancing at Dean, "Hello. Why are you at my locker?"

"I can't just come and greet you?"

Cas shrugged, "You don't. You're usually with your friends."

It was Dean's turn to shrug, "Eh, don't feel like talking to them. Not if they question my relationships."

Cas glanced up to Dean from gathering his things, "Okay..."

Dean grinned and bent down to Cas's height, "Can I kiss you?"

Cas grinned shyly and nodded. Dean connected their lips and they kissed for about 20 seconds before being interrupted.

"I see that you two worked things out."

The couple looked up and saw Charlie, Jo, and Benny in front of them. Dean straightened and held a hand out to Cas, who took it. He didn't let go once Cas was up though.

"We're working it through, slowly." Dean cast a grin at Cas and squeezed his hand.

Jo clapped her hands, "Well good cuz then me and Charlie wouldn't have anything to fangirl over."

Benny rolled his eyes and clapped the two on the shoulder, "Good for you brotha's but we should all get to class."

"Okay well me and Cas will catch up with you guys later." Their friends gave them weird looks, "Kinda wanna just walk with him for right now..."

Charlie and Jo squealed and Benny smiled and ushered the girls away. Dean turned to Cas and gestured to walk, the two side by side, hands together.

"So do your siblings still hate me?"

Cas shrugged, "Michael said you have one more chance, so don't fuck it up."

Dean nodded, "Do you want to come over after school, Sammy will be there but we can all like watch a movie or something. I know Sam would love to see you again." Cas agreed, they got to Cas's class, "See you later?" 

Cas nodded and was presently surprised when he was left with a kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After school Dean had met Cas at his locker and the two walked to the Impala together. They got Sam and went home.

When they got home Dean lead Cas to the kitchen. Sam went to the living room.

"Do you want something to eat?"

Cas shrugged, "Sure, and a water please."

Dean nodded and got chips and three waters, one for Sam.

The two migrated to the living room.

"Hey Sammy, what're we watching?"

Dean gave Sam a water and sat on the couch, Cas sitting next to him. "Sharknado."

Dean whooped, "Sweet!" 

The tiny group settled, Cas and Dean cuddled together, and watched the movie.

~~~~~~~~~~~

At some point Dean and Cas had migrated to Dean's room. They were sitting on the bed making out with music blasting.

Cas pushed Dean to lay down, straddling his hips. He ground down and nipped down Dean's jaw and neck.

They were very much into what they were doing they didn't hear the door open downstairs.

They didn't hear John's drunken slurs and Sams tries at getting John to not come looking for Dean.

They didn't hear the door open. Dean was over Cas now.

Dean felt himself get thrown off of Cas but not by the man himself. He heard the sound of his speakers being broken.

He looked up and saw the furious eyes of John Winchester.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?' John was piss drunk.

Dean stuttered, "D-Dad. What are you doing home?"

"I wanted to come back to my family to have a nice chat but what i come back to is my son being a paNSY ASS FAGGOT!"

Sam appeared in the doorway then, "Dad..."

John whipped around to Sam, "You! Did you know your brother was doing this god damn shit!?"

Sam didn't answer, that was answer enough.

John moved towards Sam, "You knew and you didn't fucking tell me!?"

Sam rose to his full height, "You didn't need to know. It's Dean's life, not yours."

Their dad got really angry, moving towards Sam, "Don't disrespect me boy! I deserve to know when my sun is a fudge packer!" John was closer to Sam now.

Before John could get closer to Sam, Dean was there and pushing Cas and Sam out of the way of John's anger.

"Go. Now."

Sam turned to him, "But Dean-"

"Leave." Dean turned back to their father, only to receive a punch to the face, causing him to lose his balance and stumble.

"Dean!" Cas and Sam both shouted.

Dean turned to look at them, "Leave! NOW! Go to Cas's!"

"I'll teach you what it's like to be a fucking fairy."

Dean paid no attention to John but forced Sam and Cas out of the house, not wanting them there. He turned back to his dad.

"I don't know how you came out as a cock knocker, I raised you right. You love the ladies but now you love fucking cock?! Is that boy making you or something?"

Dean seethed, "Cas isn't making me do anything I don't want to do! You say you raised me right? Hah! Half of the time growing up I was taking care of myself while trying to care for Sam! You didn't do fucking shit but got piss drunk and then fucking beat me! I fucking love him. So, I'm so fucking sorry for being a fucking disappointment. Fuck you dad! Fuck you!"

John's face got beat red at that. There was a beer bottle next to him and he grabbed it, chucking it at Dean, who dodged just in time. He turned back to his dad and was punched in the face, knocking him back. His dad didn't stop though.

His dad came at him full force, knocking into him, causing him to hit the wall.

How someone this drunk was capable of having this agility, Dean didn't know.

John kneed Dean's stomach. When he bent over to clutch it, he was elbowed in the back, causing him to fall to the ground.

His dad kicked him over onto his back and straddled his hips, pinning him.

"I'll fucking teach you. No son of mine is going be a cock-sucking faggot."

His dad laid punch after punch to Dean's face to the point Dean was pretty sure his jaw was broken.

John stood up and kicked his ribs. 

Kick after kick after kick rained down on Dean. He was pretty sure he blacked out for most of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Cas and Sam were locked out (they checked to see), they both stared at each other for a moment. Then they could hear the yelling.

_"Cas isn't making me do anything I don't want to do! You say you raised me right? Hah! Half of the time growing up I was taking care of myself while trying to care for Sam! You didn't do fucking shit but got piss drunk and then fucking beat me! I fucking love him. So, I'm so fucking sorry for being a fucking disappointment. Fuck you dad! Fuck you!"_

Then they couldn't hear anything. The boys walked to Cas's.

When they walked through the door, they were flagged with questions.

"Where you been?"

"Why is Sam here?"

"Where's Dean?"

Cas looked to his siblings, "I-" He was interrupted by a knock at the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Dean came to, to what was actually only a couple minutes, he dragged himself off the ground. His dad wasn't anywhere.

He managed to get himself into his car and somehow managed to drive himself to Cas's without getting in a crash. He hurt... Everywhere.

The door was opened and he smiled at Cas's look of horror for a second before he blacked out again and fell, causing Cas to catch him and stumble, barely keeping both of them up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cas was horrified.

"Dean? Dean! H-Help!"

Michael and Lucifer came to his aid and helped put Dean on the couch. Cas sat down, putting Deans head in his lap. Sam came over and stood next to the couch.

Michael stood back and crossed his arms, "What the hell happened!?"

"My dad beats him, he was going to beat him when Dean shoved me and Cas out."

Michael turned to Sam, "Does this happen often?"

Sam nodded, "Mostly every time he comes home."

Michael nodded, "Does he beat you?"

Sam shook his head no, "When he goes to, Dean intervenes and forces me to leave. Dean never lets him touch me, he always takes the hits."

Michael looked Dean over, "He needs a hospital. It looks like he has a broken jaw and possibly some ribs."

Cas stroked Dean's face but then Lucifer and Michael lifted him.

"We need to go Cas. He needs medical attention."

Cas nodded and followed the two out to their car, Sam following behind him.

Anna stayed beside Cas's side, trying to comfort her older brother.

Michael, Sam and Cas took one car with Dean. The others took another.

 


	12. Taken Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I haven't updated this in so long and I'm so sorry! 
> 
> My life has gotten so busy, I have a job now and school and work take most of my time. 
> 
> I've also recently gotten a new rabbit and she's a handful to work with plus there's my other rabbit. I am going to try to start updating faster again.
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me and this story! :)

When they got to the hospital Dean is rushed away and when Cas tries to follow he is blocked.

"I'm sorry only family." Cas nodded and went to sit in a waiting room chair.

~~~~~~~~~~~

It was hours before they all could see Dean. He was awake though and Cas latched onto him when he saw him.

The doctor was asking Dean questions.

"How did you get these infractions?"

"Got mugged."

The doctor furrowed his brow and so did everyone else, everyone else but Sam and Dean.

"You sure about that son?"

Dean nodded at the doctor but Cas spoke up.

"He's lying. His father did that to him..."

"Cas!" Dean hissed.

"How often does he do this?"

This time it was Sam who spoke up, "Mostly every time he comes home..."

Dean's head whipped to Sam, then he hissed in pain, "Sam! You're just going to rat dad out like that!?"

"Dean, enough's enough. He can't keep doing this."

The doctor was scribbling things down, "Is there someone that we can call that is a guardian to you besides your father?"

Dean sighed, "Ya, Bobby Singer. He's an old time friend."

The doctor nodded and left. Dean was tense and it was quiet.

Cas broke the silence, "Dean, I'm-"

Dean growled out, "Don't, you had no right." He turned to look at him, face hard.

Cas shrunk back, "You shouldn't have to deal with that... I'm sorry."

Deans face softened. He took Cas's face in his hands, "Hey, I'm sorry. I just- What's going to happen now?"

Michael spoke up, "You'll be moved into a better home."

Dean looked up to him and nodded.

The door burst open, "Boy!"

Dean grinned slightly at the burly man in the doorway, "Hey Bobby..."

Bobby marched forward, pulling Dean into a gentle hug. Bringing Sam into one next.

"Why didn't you ever tell me he was doing this? I would've beat his ass, he wouldn-"

"It's okay Bobby. Really."

"The hell it is! That bastard should never lay a hand on either one of you."

"He never laid a hand on Sam, I made sure of that."

Bobby huffed, "Still!"

It got quiet. Cas was still latched onto Dean, more like cuddling into him. Dean felt awkward with their surrogate father there seeing that.

Bobby noticed how Dean looked uncomfortable and glanced at the, what appeared to be, couple. He scoffed, "You idjit, I don't care about that." Dean seemed to relax at that, curling into Cas more.

"When you get outta here, we're going to your fathers and getting yours and Sams stuff and you two are living with me and Ellen and Jo."

Dean nodded. Michael walked over and gently laid a hand on Deans shoulder, "We are going to get going. I'm sorry this ever happened to you, no one deserves that."

Dean shrugged, he didn't want anyone's pity.

Michael turned to Cas who was a little more reserved then when he first was with Dean, "Come on Cas, we need to get going."

Cas looked from his siblings to Dean and back. Dean smiled and kissed Cas's head, "Go home and get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow or something."

Cas nodded and leaned up and kissed Dean, leaving the room with his siblings after.

It was just Dean, Sam, and Bobby then.

"I'm going to go and talk with the doctor, see when you can get out." Dean nodded and Bobby left. 

Sam was standing around, unsure of what to do with himself.

"Hey Sammy."

Sam snapped his head to Dean, "I-I'm sorry Dean. I'm just tired of hearing dad beat you to an inch of your life and me not being able to help," Sam rambled.

Dean gave his brother a smile, "It's okay. We'll  be living with Bobby and Ellen now. There will be no more beatings. Though, I feel bad that we'll be leaving him. He has no one Sam, not since mom died."

Sam nodded, "Ya but he shouldn't have taken it out on his kids. Dad gets what's coming to him."

Dean nodded. Bobby walked back in, "You'll be able to leave tomorrow but you're on bed-rest for two weeks." Dean groaned.

"I can't miss school and football practice."

Bobby tsked, "Too bad. Bed-rest, two weeks."

Dean gave a small smile, "Thanks Bobby."

"Idgit," Bobby gave a slight quirk of his lips.


	13. Going Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaaaay another chapter!!

The next morning, Dean was discharged.

"Do you want to go to your house and get your stuff today or wait?"

Dean shrugged, "We can go today."

Bobby looked at the boys in concern, "You sure? Your daddy might be there. You want to face him so soon?"

Dean shrugged again, "I'm going to have too sooner or later."

Bobby nodded and clapped his hand on his shoulder, "You're a good kid."

~~~~~~~~~

They got to Sam and Deans family home, their dads car in the driveway. Bobby and Sam got out but Dean didn't move.

Bobby turned back to him, "He won't do nothin', I'm gon' be right here. He tries anything, he won't get a chance to regret it."

Dean gave Bobby a small smile and nodded, getting out of the car.

They walked in and the house was quiet. Maybe their dad wouldn't notice they were here.

"Is my boy back? Along with that pansy ass cock sucker?" Dean clenched his teeth, so his dad was awake and possibly sober.

John appeared in front of them, his eyes immediately training on Bobby, "What are you doing here?" He looked to be sober.

Bobby huffed, turning to the boys, "Pack whatever you can, I'll stay here with John."

John was the one who huffed next, "And where are they going?" John was blocking the way to the stairs, they couldn't go anywhere.

"Their staying with me now."

"The he'll they are! Their my boys!"

Bobby got pissed, "They stopped being your boys the minute you put Dean in the hospital! Hell, they stopped the minute you first laid a hand on them."

John's face grew dark, "So what? You think you can just come and take my boys away from me?"

Bobby growled, "Yes. And you will accept that or you'll be hauled off to jail for child abuse!"

John laughed, "I only ever hit Dean. And he's what 18?"

"No asshole, he's 17 only about to be 18! You don't even know your sons age, you drunken bastard."

Dean and Sam just watched the exchange back and forth.

John walked over to Bobby, getting in his face, "Their not allowed to leave."

Bobby stared hard at John but spoke to the boys, "Go pack. Now."

Dean grabbed Sam's shoulder and directed him to the stairs, forcing him to leave.

When they were far enough away, Sam turned to Dean.

"We're just going to leave Bobby with dad?"

Dean nodded, "Bobby can handle dad. We need to pack."

Sam huffed.

~~~~~~

They were finishing packing when they heard yelling and then a thump and grunting.

Dean ran downstairs, Sam right behind him.

John was on top of Bobby, punching him.

"Bobby!" Dean growled and ran over, grabbing his dad and throwing him off, punching him in the face. He felt the pain of his previous injuries but didn't mind it, even if it was shooting all around his body.

His dad recoiled but then recovered, his eyes blazing. His dad made to go towards Dean but Sam screamed and jumped on their dad. John threw him off, making him hit the wall and slump.

Dean let out a feral scream and charged at John, slamming his fist in the side of his face.

Dean didn't stop there though, he kept hitting and hitting and hitting. He kept at it until he was being held back, to which he struggled.

"Let me go! He deserves it! HE DESERVES WORSE! LET ME GO!" He struggled in, what he now knew, Bobby's hold.

"Dean! Relax or you're going to injure yourself more! You're not fully healed!"

Dean's fight left him and he slumped in Bobby's right grip on him. He stared at his dad, who was trying to sit up against the wall, face bloody.

John spat blood and chuckled, "Nice hit you got there. I see I didn't do a too bad to you either yesterday. What'd I do? Break some ribs?"

Bobby growled, "You did more than that bastard, he's lucky he's even out of the hospital right now."

Sam groaned and rubbed his hand, looking to Bobby and Dean and then to his dad, seeing him bloddy. He looked to Dean's fists. They were bloody and Bobby was still holding Dean, even though the fight left him and he was feeling the repercussions of what he did.

His body hurt like a mother fucker, the adrenaline that had fueled his aggression was gone, he felt whipped now.

Bobby let Dean go and asked if Sam was alright.

Sam nodded, "Would you go get yours and Deans bags then? We're leaving. Dean needs to get home and rest.

Sam nodded and scrambled up the stairs, grabbing their bags and running back down.

Bobby grabbed them and Sam stood next to Dean, they were about to leave before John started speaking.

"So that's it? I'm left with nothing? My children are being taken away from me, like how Mary was?"

His dad almost sounded sad. It made Dean's heart clench, how could he just abandon his father, who had no one else?

Bobby was the one to answer, "Should have thought about that before you started beating on them."

The door slammed shut.


	14. First Time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has smut. Bewareeeee.

When they got to Bobby's, Ellen gasped at the sight of them.

"What the bloody hell- What the hell happened to you three?!"

She ran up to Sam and checked him over, after she was done she went to Dean.

When she was prodding his ribs, he flinched away.

She tsked and led him to the couch, sitting him down.

"What happened? Bobby why'd you run out last night?"

Bobby sighed and sat in a chair, rubbing a hand down his face.

Ellen got an ice pack and wrapped it in a towel, having Dean hold it to his ribs. She poked at his jaw that was covered in bandages, he flinched away again.

Dean mumbled. Ellen got another ice pack and held it to his jaw, "What'd you say honey?"

Bobby replied, "He has a couple broken ribs and a broken jaw. He shouldn't be speaking much so it can heal."

Ellen was horrified, "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET THESE?"

Dean winced and looked away from Ellen.

"Dad beats him, he's been doing that for a while."

Bobby took over speaking, "I rushed out of the house because Dean was in the hospital. Sam and Dean will be living with us for now."

Ellen nodded and forced Dean to lay down, pillow underneath him.

She fussed over him, "You poor baby-" Dean slapped her hands away and turned around, facing the back of the couch.

"Dean, you should lay on your back, your ribs."

Dean ignored their efforts and the three of them gave up. Ellen showed Sam where he would stay and then made dinner. Sam was in the living room with Dean, reading, every now and then glancing up to Dean, who never moved. Bobby was out back.

Ellen called everyone to dinner, Jo even coming out of her room.

Dean didn't move, he just stared at the couch's back.

"Dean? Honey, dinner is ready."

Dean grunted, "Not hungry."

"Boy you should eat-"

Dean shouted, "I said I'm not hungry!"

They all grew quiet after Dean yelled. They looked at each other then shrugged.

Dean kept his back turned and kept staring at the back, falling asleep a little later.

Dean was forbidden to go to school while he recovered, to which he didn't care.

Dean didn't touch his phone in those days, barely did anything but stare at the couch back and showered, which hurt sometimes from his ribs and jaw aching.

Sam was tired of Dean acting like this and not knowing what was wrong, everyone was.

Cas had texted and even called but Dean never replied.

Everyone was done with his crap.

"Dean, what the hell is going on with you?" Jo placed her hands on her hips and tapped her foot.

Dean grunted, "Go away, I'm trying to sleep."

Jo huffed, "You've been like this for a week. You haven't even answered Cas. He had to ask me how you were doing, you're freaking everyone out."

"Well you shouldn't worry about it! I'm handeling it!"

Jo's face grew red with angry, "Handeling what!? What are you handeling that you can't let your family help you!?"

Dean didn't answer. Jo huffed again and went to find Sam.

She found him in his room, doing homework. She huffed as she sat next to him. Sam didn't even glance up when he spoke.

"Won't talk huh?"

No nodded, "You know who we should have come talk to him? Who might actually get him to talk?"

Sam looked at her then, "Who?"

Jo grinned, "Cas. He can't ignore his boyfriend that Dean is so in love with."

Sam's face scrunched, "He's not in love-"

Jo sent Sam a 'really' look, "It's so obvious. But you also don't go to the high school yet so you never see them interact, see how Dean stares at Cas when he's not looking. You only seen them when Cas went over, which wasn't a lot."

Sam nodded, "Well text him and get him over here."

~~~~~~~~

The door was knocked on but Dean didn't move to even attempt to answer. Ellen answered.

"Hi honey, come on in."

Dean was slightly curious to who came over but decided to just stay turned away.

He heard mumbling and then Jo's voice but it was quiet.

What the hell was going on?

Then he heard light footsteps and he tried to deny that he flinched when he was touched but then Cas's voice wavered through his ears.

"Dean."

Dean internally groaned, why'd they call Cas?

"Dean... What's been going on? You haven't answered anyone."

Dean sighed and slowly turned to face Cas, he couldn't deny the kid.

"It's nothing Ca-"

"Don't say it's nothing when you've been snapping at your family, ignoring me, and not taking care of yourself."

Cas looked so sad, Dean felt kind of guilty.

"I just- I just feel bad for leaving my dad alone, he has no one now."

Cas nodded, "I felt that way for a little too but you can't live like that. It'll be hell and probably kill you. It's his fault for driving you and Sam away. He's got no one else to blame but himself."

Dean nodded and say up a little, making room for Cas, who sat next to him. They leaned on each other.

"I love you."

Cas froze, he stared wide eyed at Dean and whispered, "What?"

Dean smiled, "I said, I love you. You're amazing and the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Cas's eyes watered, "I-I love you too."

Dean grinned and kissed Cas deeply.

There were throat clearings and coughs and the two of them looked over to see everyone standing there, watching them.

Cas blushed hard, Dean took his hand and leaned in, whispering.

"Let's get away from all the eyes."

Cas stared wide eyed at Dean but followed him when he tugged on his hand.

"We'll be upstairs watching tv." The group nodded and Dean dragged Cas upstairs.

When they got to Dean's room that he was given, Dean opened the door and laid down, pulling Cas with him.

Cas was over Dean and they heavily made out.

Dean directed Cas onto his hips and ground Cas down.

Cas broke the kiss, "N-No Dean, you're hurt."

"I haven't seen you for a couple days, well weeks. I miss my boyfriend, I'll be fine."

Cas chewed his lip but nodded eventually, slowly grinding his hips. Dean groaned, his hands holding Cas's hips, following his movements.

Soon they were pulling each others clothes. Dean went to lift Cas's long sleeve but then Cas froze, "W-Wait."

Dean immediately stopped.

"I-I'm sorry I thought you-"

Cas shook his head, "I do... J-Just..."

Dean's face scrunched in confusion, "Just what?"

Cas looked down, heat coloring his face, "I don't know if you will..."

Now Dean was more confused, "If I didn't, I don't think we'd be in this position right now."

Cas chewed his lip, an action that was becoming a turn on for Dean.

"You won't when you see... What's underneath my clothes..."

Dean was even more confused. Then he remembered what he saw on Cas that one day, the cuts.

Cas was looking anywhere but at Dean. Dean put a hand under his chin and directed Cas to look at him, giving him a light kiss.

"You're beautiful, even with your battle scars." Dean held one of Cas's wrists and kissed it. Dean held Cas's hips and started moving them across his own. When Cas started doing it on his own, Dean helped lift Cas's shirt.

Dean stared at Cas's chest for a minute, causing Cas to squirm.

He smiled and pulled Cas down, "So beautiful." He latched his mouth on the side of Cas's neck and sucked and bit, leaving a sore. He laped his tongue against it to soothe the pain.

Cas moaned and ground down hard.

"Fuck baby."

Cas smiled and kissed Dean.

When they separated, they were breathless. Dean pawed at Cas's pants.

His hand hovered over the button, "Are you sure?"

Cas nodded and Dean undid Cas's pants, Cas sitting up so Dean could pull both pants and boxers down.

Dean saw there were even more scars littered underneath. It made Dean sad.

Cas tried to curl up and cover himself but Dean didn't let him.

He pulled Cas down to him and kissed him hard, "Y-You're so beautiful and I-I'm so sorry."

Cas hummed, "Why are you sorry?"

Dean gave a weighted sigh, "Because. You had such a hard life and it drove you to this," he rubbed his hands down scars that littered Cas's thighs, "And I didn't help you with bullying you."

"It's okay. I'm getting better and you're here. You make me happy."

Dean nodded and kissed Cas, "Help me with my shirt?"

Cas nodded and gently took the end of Dean's shirt in his hands, gently pulling up.

They managed to get the shirt off with minimal hurt. Cas's hands went to Dean's pants, undoing them.

"Shit we don't have any lube do we?"

Cas groaned, "I believe we don't."

Dean gave a disbelieving laugh and thumped his head against the pillow.

"Great. I need to go get some."

Dean moved Cas off him and slowly got off the bed, doing his pants back up. He grabbed a hoodie and zipped it up over his chest. Dean grabbed his car keys, that he had just gotten the car back from his dad a couple days ago, and kissed Cas.

"I'll be back. Don't go."

Cas nodded and Dean left.

~~~~~~~~~

Dean got back home in 15 minutes. He couldn't run though but made impressive timing.

When he walked in his room, Cas was under the covers, a hand underneath. He was moaning with his head thrown back.

Dean chuckled lowly, "You're not so innocent now are you Cas?"

Cas's head snapped up, Dean was smirking at him. Cas stopped and blushed hard.

Dean walked over and say the lube down, laying next to Cas after stripping down to his boxers.

Dean grabbed Cas and pulled him to sit on his hips, "There, now we both can have fun."

Dean pulled Cas's lips to his own and ground his hips up, ignoring the slight pain.

While making out, Dean grabbed for the lube. He opened the cap and squirted some on his fingers.

He positioned them at Cas's hole but stopped, "Are you sure?"

Cas showed he was sure by going down on Dean's fingers.

Dean groaned, "Shit Cas, you're squeezing my fingers so tight. Shit." Dean moved his two fingers and Cas whined.

"Feel good sweetheart?"

Cas nodded profusely.

"I'm good Dean."

Dean shook his head, "No you're not. Not to take me baby." Dean prodded at Cas's hole with another finger.

He slowly pushed it in beside his other two, Cas moaned.

Dean pumped his fingers and when he felt Cas was ready enough, he pulled them free.

Cas moved Dean's boxers, his sick springing up. Cas gave an appreciative groan.

"Told you."

Cas nodded and lift himself up, positioning himself over Dean. He was about to sink down When Dean gripped his hips hard to stop him.

Cas looked at him, "What?"

"You haven't done anything with a guy have you?"

Cas blushed and diverted his eyes, "Uh, no... Is that a problem?"

Dean smiled and pulled Cas closer, kissing him, "Not at all, it's cute. I'm glad I'll be your first. Just, it'll hurt for the first few minutes you go down. Are you sure you want this?" Cas nodded. Dean pecked him, "I'll go slow."

Cas nodded and say up. Dean gripped his hips and slowly lowered Cas.

Cas hissed as Dean's head breached him. When his head was all the way in Dean stopped.

"You okay?"

"Y-Ya."

Dean slowly pushed his length all the way inside, waiting after to give Cas a chance to adjust.

Cas was the first to move. He slowly slid up and down, Dean holding his hips.

Cas increased his speed, his hands falling forwards to Dean's chest, his head hanging as he breathed deeply.

Dean grunted, "A-Ah ribs Cas."

Cas jumped and yanked himself back, making himself slip off Dean, "I-I'm sorry!"

Dean laughed breathlessly, "It's okay Cas. Just watch the ribs."

Cas bodded5. Dean pulled him back on his hips. Cas slowly sank back down, it was easier.

They built a quick rhythm and they were in heaven.

"Fuck baby. So tight."

Cas's head was thrown back and he was groaning quietly.

"So fucking beautiful."

"F-Fuck. I'm close."

Dean sped up a little, "C'mon. Cum for me."

Cas started to scream and Dean slammed Cas to his chest, ignoring the pain, and slammed his lips to his own, muddling Cas's screams.

Cas collapsed on Dean, who shift to move Cas off his ribs.

Dean whispered, "Want me to pull out?"

Cas shook his head, "Clean?"

"Ya."

"Fucking cum in me."

Dean gave a low appreciative groan and moved his hips fast. He was soon spilling into Cas, holding Cas right while muddling his groans in Cas's neck.

When he was empty he laid panting, not pulling out.

They stayed like that for a couple minutes before Dean grew uncomfirtable.

"Hey Cas? I need you to get off me. Then, I'll clean you." Dean pulled out, his cum sliding out. Cas rolled off of Dean and laid next to him.

Dean slowly moved down to Cas's hole and the first touch of his tongue had Cas jerking. Dean held his hips down.

Dean sucked and licked his cum out. When he was done he moved back up the bed, pulling Cas to him.

"Are you hurting?"

Cas shook his head no and yawned.

"Tired sweetheart?"

Cas nodded. Dean kissed his head and chuckled, "We'll take a nap." He pulled the covers up to cover them.

~~~~~~~

The two were woken up by a knock on the door.

His voice was rough when he replied, "Ya?"

Sam's voice filtered through, "Dinner."

Dean groaned, "Be there soon."

He nudged Cas, "Hey. Dinner's ready babe."

Cas huffed and snuggled deeper in the sheets.

Dean laughed, "Come on. We need to get down there before there's an army at the door."

Dean pulled himself from the bed and slowly got dressed. When he turned around Cas was looking at him with a sad look.

"What?"

Cas got up and started getting dressed, "You have bruises everywhere."

Dean shrugged, "It'll go away. Come on We need to get dinner."

When they for downstairs Jo and Ash were smirking, Sam was refusing to meet Dean's eye, and Bobby and Ellen we're just staring.

"Hey boys. We need to have a talk."

Cas blushed hard and Dean shrugged.

They sat down and Dean made a plate and dug in, Cas was much less enthused.

"What do you need to speak about?"

Ellen started speaking, "Look, we're happy you're happy with Cas and all but-"

"We don't want to hear you two fucking."

Cas choked on the water he was drinking, spilling it.

"Joanna Beth!"

Dean smirked then and turned to Jo, "Hey we didn't make you listen."

"Well you're loud."

Ellen spoke before Dean could comeback, "Just- Just either not when we're here or don't let us know."

Dean nodded. Cas was blushing profusely. Dean wrapped an arm around the back of Cas's chair.

"So are you okay?"

Dean looked confused at Sam, "There was nothing wrong?"

Sam deadpanned, "you were on the couch for days. Barely doing anything."

"Oh. Ya, it's fine Sam."

Sam seemed reluctant but nodded.

~~~~~~~~~~

Around 9 Cas had to leave.

Dean said he'd take him home.

When Dean parked on Cas's driveway, they say in the car for about another five minutes just making out.

Cas pulled back, "I need to go."

Dean gave him a peck, "Ya... I know." He kissed him again and again.

Cas laughed, "Dean. Stop. I need to go inside." Dean's mouth moved from Cas' lips to his neck, nipping and sucking.

Cas unbuckled and moved away, "Bye. Will I see you tomorrow at school?"

Dean shrugged, "Maybe. Depends how my ribs are. My jaw is healing nicely."

"I can see that. Bye."

"Bye baby!"

Cas shut the door and Dean watched him go inside.


	15. Honor and Defend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this work had a complaint sent to the AO3 abuse committee. I put credit to the inspiration I got this from but I might abandon this work since people are freaking out about how I got the idea from someone else on here. 
> 
> I don't want the hassle...
> 
> My decision isn't made, I love this story but...

The next day, Dean had gone to school, even if his ribs hurt still. He wanted to see Cas.

Dean was at his locker when Jo and Charlie came up, "Hey lover boy!"

Charlie furled her eyebrows, "Lover boy?"

Jo turned to grin at her, "Him and Cas finally did it."

"Jo! You just don't tell people that! Especially if it's not even your business to tell."

Jo smirked and Dean glared. Charlie squealed, "Awh, that is so cute! Well besides the fact I think it's disgusting, considering I don't go for dick. But it's cute for you and Cas!"

Dean and Jo stared at Charlie like she was crazy. Dean closed his lock, "Have either of you seen Cas yet?"

The two shook their heads, "Don't you usually pick him up?"

Dean nodded, "Ya, I did when I lived at my house instead of yours Jo."

"Why do you live at Jo's now?"

Dean sighed, "Long story that I don't want to talk about right now. I'm going to go now and wait by Cas's locker. See ya."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean waited about ten minutes before he saw Cas coming down the hall, he had a limp.

Dean grinned, "You got a limp."

Cas winced, "I know and it's your fault."

Dean leaned down and kissed him, "Hey, we didn't need to do it" 

Cas opened his locker and smiled, "No, I wanted too. Shouldn't you still be at home, resting? Your ribs still hurt you."

Dean shook his head no, "And miss the opportunity of seeing you limp? Nah." 

Cas stood up and shut his locker, books in hand, "Asshole." He was smiling.

Dean took Cas's hand and the two started walking towards Cas's class.

When they got there Benny and Jo were there, since No was in his first hour, talking.

"Hey guys." 

The two stopped talking and looked towards them, "Hey."

Dean smiled 4th an turned to Cas, taking his lips on his own.

"Dean! What the hell are you doing man?"

Dean groaned and separated from Cas, he turned around, "What?"

Dean's old "popular" friends were staring at them.

"What are you, a faggot now?"

Dean stood a little taller, "I prefer the term Bi. But whatever you want to call it, be my guest."

The guys face turned sour, "What since your now a fudge packer, that it makes you able to be a dick? Whatever Dean, go have fun macking on your loser of a boyfriend." 

The guy turned around to his friends. Dean's fists clenched.

"Take that back, douchebag."

The guy turned back around, "he's a fucking loser Dean. Everyone knows that, it makes you a loser now."

Dean stalked forward, going chest to chest to the guy.

"You better take that fucking back and apologize before I pound your fucking head in."

The guy smirked, "Go ahead. Try it, Not going to make me take it back. All it's going to do is make your face hurt from me hitting it." 

Dean's fist was fast, the guy stumpled, spitting blood.

The guy straightened and growled, tackling Dean.

"Dean!"

The guys friend cheered their friend on,

Dean and the guy rolled on the floor until Dean got the upper hand. He repeatedly punched the guys face while straddling him. Benny pulled him off.

"Dean let it go! Stop."

Dean was pulled off The guy by Dean and a teacher that had joined when the fight broke out.

The teacher gripped Dean's sleeve  and pulled him towards the office, "You're in big trouble." Another teacher grabbed the guy Dean had beat.

Dean looked back to Cas who looked upset. He gave him an reassuring smile.


	16. Was He Used or No?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry this took forever to get out. Life's been hard but I guess I always make excuses don't I?
> 
> I'll try to get chapters out more.

While Dean sat in the principles office, the adrenaline was wearing off and he could feel his ribs come back with a vengeance for him fighting.

He held his arm around his torso and doubled over.

"Mr. Winchester. Mr. Winchester? Are you alright?"

Dean huffed and straightened, he gruffly said, "Fine. Just my ribs were broken and their still healing."

The principle nodded, "I'll send you home then, after we discuss what happened." 

The principle motioned for Dean to follow and he got up, closing the door after him.

~~~~~~~~

Cas had watched Dean be pulled away to the principles office, the other guy following them.

Jo pulled on Cas's shoulder, "Come on Cas, he'll be fine. We need to get to class."

Cas nodded and turned around, watching Jo say goodbye to Benny.

Jo positioned herself next to Cas and the two walked in their class, Cas turned to her.

"Are you and Benny dating?"

Jo turned scarlet and stuttered, "W-Why do you say that?"

"Well you're turning red and I was watching the two of you. You guys are... Very close."

Jo nodded, "We are but we don't want anyone knowing right now. So don't say anything please." 

"I won't."

Jo pointed at him, "not even Dean, especially Dean."

Cas nodded and the two sat, "Okay but why?"

Jo sighed, "Me and Dean have been friends for awhile, we consider each other brother and sister and he's very protective over those he cares about."

"But Benny is his friend."

"Ya but that doesn't matter, he would still threaten him or something."

Cas nodded.

~~~~~~~~

 Dean sat in the principles office and stared at his principle. She sat down and folded her hands.

"Dean, why did you punch the boy, multiple times in fact."

Dean shrugged, "He was making fun of Cas."

"Castiel Novak?"

Dean nodded, "Ya, I'm not going to stand for him making fun of him like that and he was the first one to make a move, he tackled me first."

The principle nodded, "While I approve of you sticking up for someone else, I cannot condone violence in my school. With that said, I am suspending you for three days and the other student for a week, though I believe it will give you time to heal from your ribs. Which, if I may ask, how did you get broken ribs?"

Dean stood up and started walking to the door, "No you may not ask," and he left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean had texted Cas on the way home.

_'Got suspended but it'll give my ribs time to heal more, don't worry, I'm okay. You should come over after school, I want to see you.'_

_Cas: 'I'll see you then, get rest Dean.'_

Dean smiled and put his phone away, driving home.

~~~~~~~~~~

After school Cas went to the Singer residence and knocked on the door.

Ellen answer, "Hi honey! Dean's in his room laying down, you can go on up."

Cas nodded and walked in the house, going upstairs.

Dean was relaxed in his bed, eyes closed and headphones on.

Cas walked up to him and laid down beside him, pressing into Dean's side.

Deans eyes opened and he took off his headphones, looking to Cas.

"Hey baby. How are you?"

Cas merely shrugged, curling into Dean more.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

Cas sighed, "Just feeling shitty."

Dean frowned, "Why?"

Cas shrugged again, "Just do."

Dean glanced up at Cas's numbers, just to make sure. They were the same as they always been. Dean let out a sigh of relief.

"Want to take a nap? Get your mind off of things?"

Cas nodded and snuggled more into Dean's side.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean woke up a little later. He looked at the time and it had been about three and a half hours.

He looked down and saw Cas was still sleeping.

Cas looked exhausted.

Dean ran his fingers through Cas's mop.

Why was Cas feeling down?

Cas sniffled and curled into Dean's body more, Dean smiled softly.

Cas shifted and his eyes slowly opened.

"Hey baby."

Cas's eyes opened wider and before Dean could think of anything else, Cas was on top of him and kissing him.

Dean's hands went to Cas's hips, lightly holding them.

Cas ground down and moved his lips down Dean's neck, nipping and sucking.

Dean groaned and before he could do anything else, Cas was kissing him again and reaching for his bedside drawer, where he knew Dean kept the lube.

Cas pulled the lube out, stopped kissing Dean long enough to lower his pants and underwear, along with Dean's own.

Cas slicked his fingers up, plunging two into himself, quickly making it up to three fingers.

Cas was going to fast that Deans mind couldn't keep up.

Cas pulled his fingers out and positioned himself over Dean, quickly lowering himself down.

Dean moaned loud but tried to stiffle it.

Cas pushed himself up and down quickly, forcing Dean to hold onto his hips to be able to keep up.

Soon Dean was cumming inside Cas and Cas was up and off and cleaning himself off before Dean was even coming down from his high.

"C-Cas, what was that?"

Cas didn't say anything but for himself dressed and grabbed his stuff, "I need to go."

Dean was left alone, confused.

Dean felt like he was just used.

He realized Cas hadn't cum and tried to remember if he was even hard, realizing he wasn't at all throughout the quick fuck.

It was a fuck because there was no love involved, just sex.

What the fuck just happened?


	17. Heartache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took some time to get out, here ya gooo.

Cas ran from Deans house, running home.

He needed to know and now he was unsure.

Cas ran into his room and locked it, not coming out fhadn't be oror the rest of the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean waited at Cas's locker the next morning. There were two minutes left and Cas still hadn't came.

Dean: Babe? Where are you? We need to talk.

Dean waited a minute more for a reply or for him to show up. He sighed and walked to class.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Cas didn't talk to anyone in his class, didn't even pay attention to his teachers. He either had headphones in, blasting music or drifted in space.

Cas avoided his locker after school, knowing Dean would be there trying to get him to talk.

Cas didn't take his usual way home, fearing Dean would see him and stop and talk to him.

He didn't want to talk to Dean. Dean was better without him.

Cas got to his house and went inside, going straight to his room and locking the door.

Cas's eyes were wet and he was itching at his scars on his arms.

Why did he have to feel like this now? Everything was fine. It was perfect.

Cas grabbed a razor and brought it to both wrists, cutting deeply.

He realized a little too late that he cut too deeply when he started feeling dizzy. When he tried to stand up, he immediately fell, bashing his head on his dresser.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean was annoyed.

Very annoyed.

Cas had sex with him last night and left without even saying what was wrong and refused to talk to him or even see Dean.

Dean was pissed.

He knocked on the Novaks door and Michael answered, "Hello Dean."

Dean nodded, "Hey Michael. I was just wondering is Cas home? I need to talk to him."

Michael nodded after seeing Cas's stuff was here so he was indeed home, and let Dean inside.

"I suppose he is in his room. He wouldn't come out yesterday when he got home from your house."

Dean frowned but nodded, making his way up to Cas's room.

He tried the handle but it was locked, so he knocked.

No answer and it was dead silent.

Dean frowned more and went to find Michael again, "Cas has his door locked and it's really quiet. Do you have a key?"

It was Michael's turn to frown but he nodded. Dean followed him up to what Dean assumed was Michael's room and got a key, handing it to Dean.

Dean went back to Cas's door and unlocked it, dropping the key when he saw Cas on the floor, too much blood surrounding him.

"MICHAEL! CAS IS HURT. CALL 911!!"

Michael ran into the room and saw Dean lifting Cas up, trying to stem the blood the was flowing mostly out of his wrists, there was a small cut that was leaking on his forhead too.

Michael was horrified but called the police, informing them of the situation and their address.

Michael immediately went over to Dean and tried to help stem the blood that seemed to never ending pour out of Cas's sliced wrists.

Michael was stammering, hands clammy.

"Michael! Did you know about his cutting?"

Michael shook his head, "H-He use too but he got help and he stopped. I-I didn't know he started again. Did you?"

Dean nodded, "Saw angry red lines one day. T-They were never this bad and I haven't seen them since that one time and I've been watching..."

They heard footsteps and then gasps and the two turned around to see Anna, Gabriel, and Lucifer in the doorway. Anna was crying, Gabriel and Lucifer were stoned to the floor, just staring.

"Gabriel. Gabriel! Get Anna away from here! Gabe!!" Michael had to shout at Gabriel to get his attention.

Gabriel nodded numbly and picked his little sister up, taking her downstairs and to the living room, trying to calm her while trying to not break apart himself.

Michael turned to Lucifer, "Go wait for the paramedics. Get them in here as quick as possible. Me and Dean will keep steming the blood."

Lucifer nodded and left.

Michael was in charge of himself again, after the initial shock. He turned to Dean, who was pale with a scared look on his face. That was saying something, Dean was a tan person and Michael had never seen him so distraught.

"Hey, grab that flannel and wrap it tightly around his wrist, I'll wrap my own around his other."

Dean nodded and did what he was asked. He should have known what to do, he's done it plenty of times for himself.

Dean pressed two fingers to Cas's neck and sighed in relief when he felt the heartbeat. He looked up to Cas's numbers, they were decreasing but high.

Less then five minutes, paramedics were around them and taking over, wrapping Cas's wrists better and putting him in a gurney, carrying him out of the house.

Michael and Dean followed, though Michael turned to his other siblings, "we'll meet you at the hospital."

Lucifer nodded and went to grab his other siblings. Michael turned to the ambulence, seeing Dean holding one of Cas's hands to his lips, head down and eye shut tight.

Michael climbed in and sat on the opposite side, a paramedic working on Cas's vitals and machines next to him.

Then they were off.

~~~~~~~~~~

Cas woke up to his head throbbing and pains in his wrists.

Shit.

Cas wasn't planning on waking up. He wasn't planning on being saved, God damnit!

Cas opened his eyes and his eyes saw the white ceiling of what he supposed was the hospital.

"Hey."

Cas turned his head and was met with the exhausted face of Michael.

Cas instantly felt bad for putting his family through that.

"Michael I-"

Michael waved his hand, "Don't say anything Cas. Do you realize how scared I was when I saw you bleeding on the floor, half dead? I could barely function. My baby brother was on the floor, bleeding out of his wrists. Dean was the one who was trying to stem the blood at first, just him." Cas made a whining noise at hearing that, "everyone saw you laying there. Lucifer, Gabriel, Anna..."

Cas was breathing heavier, his baby sister had to see her big brother bleeding to death.

"You know, I almost thought we wouldn't get you back. You lost a lot of blood. You flatlined once. They had to do blood transfusions on the way to the hospital."

Cas furrowed his eyebrows, "W-Who was the doner, you're not my blood type."

Michael ran a hand down his face, "Dean was in the ambulence too, luckily you guys have the same blood type or you possibly wouldn't be here right now."

Cas was crying now, he made a big mistake. He just felt so... Worthless.

The door was lightly knocked on and then opened. Dean's voice was soft and rough.

"The others left to go ho-"

He stopped speaking when he saw Cas was awake.

Cas was starring at Dean, whose face was red and blotchy, eyes puffy and sore looking, like he's been rubbing them, his hair a mess from what Cas guessed was him running his hands through them.

Cas's eyes were attracted to the little piece of gauze taped in between the creases of Dean's forearm.

God he was a dumbass. He put all his loved ones through so much. What if he ended up dying?

He would leave his siblings wondering what happened, wondering why he did that, possibly thinking maybe it was their fault.

He would leave Dean questioning if he did something for Cas to do that, if he could have helped. He would have left him broken.

Cas felt really shitty and turned his head from Dean and Michael. Dean hadn't moved since he walked in.

Michael got up and laid a hand on Cas's shoulder, "I'll leave you two alone."

When he left, Dean slowly walked over and sat down in his seat.

"Dean I'm-"

"Fuck you Castiel."

Cas's head snapped up and looked to Dean, who's head was down and he was glaring at his legs, fists clenched.

"I-I, what?"

Dean looked up, anger shown in his eyes, "I said fuck you. You were going to fucking just leave. You did leave. You fucking woke up, had sex with me, then left. Then the next day you don't answer my texts or calls, I don't see you at all in school, then when I come to your house to force you to speak to me I walk in to my boyfriend half fucking dead! Do you realize how scared I was?! I thought I was going to fucking lose you Cas! I-I can't lose you. Y-You don't get to leave me like that." Deans voice was choked by the end and he had tears in his eyes. Cas was crying by now.

"I-I'm sorry D-Dean. I-I d-didn't know-" Cas was hyperventilating and Dean instantly felt bad. He shouldn't have rained down on Cas so hard.

Dean got up from his seat and went over to Cas's bed, sliding in next to him and wrapping Cas in his arms, around the wires of course.

"Hey, hey, hey. I'm sorry baby. I was just so scared. Sh, it's okay. Its okay. I was just scared. I love you sweetheart."

Dean rocked them back and forth a little, all the while shushing Cas.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Dean."

Dean shushed him and kept rocking, kissing his forehead.

When Cas was calmed Dean figured he could get some answers.

"Want to tell me what started all of this?"

Cas shrugged, "I just- People were talking after the fight... Y-You deserve someone so much better Dean. Not someone who's so fucked up from everything."

Dean put two fingers underneath Cas's chin, lifting it, "You don't think I'm not a little fucked up? Everyone's a little fucked up Cassie. It's a part of being human. I don't give a fuck what you or other people think. I love you and I want you. Never doubt that baby."

Cas nodded, Dean leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the lips.

"If you ever do that to me again, I swear I'll kill you, bring you back to life, then kill you again."


	18. Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm sorry this went on a long hiatus. I've been having some problems with myself but I've been dealing and came to realize, writing helps me. It helps me get away so I will hopefully be updating again. :)

Dean had left Cas after he fell asleep, he went to go make a phone call.

_'Where the hell are ya boy?'_

Dean sighed, "Hey Bobby. I'm at the hospital... Cas-" Dean choked up.

_'He alright kid?'_

Dean nodded, "Ya-Ya, he just- he tried to kill himself Bobby... I-I found him bleeding half to death-"

_'But he is still alive though. You stay there with him for a couple days, don't worry about school. I'll call you in, take Sam to school myself. I'll let Sam know, get that boy feelin' better and when he's able, bring him around.'_

Dean nodded, "Okay, thanks Bobby."

Dean hung up and sighed, gripping his phone tight.

"You alright?"

Dean turned and stared at Michael, "Not really but I will be."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cas was allowed home after a couple days. He was put in therapy to help talk about his problems.

Dean was constantly around, making sure Cas was okay.

Cas was getting sick of being treated like he was to snap at any moment.

Everyone was eating quietly at the table when Cas sighed and laid his utensils down.

Everyone looked up at him, except Anna, she was too young to understand the problem.

Michael frowned, "You okay Cas?"

Cas shook his head no, "No. I'm tired of you all tiptoeing around me, acting like I'm gonna snap and try to go kill myself at any moment."

Michael nodded, "We're just concer-"

"I know and I love you all for that but I am getting help now and you guys are a great support system, I'm just tired of all the tiptoeing around. I know what I did scared you all and I know I still feel the urge sometimes and I'm depressed sometimes but I just want to go back to how it was but you all just know about how I'm feeling now so. I liked how it was. You just help me when I'm down now."

Everyone nodded, "Okay Castiel. We're sorry, we were told that normal setting would help but we're just scared."

Dean took Cas's hand from underneath the table, squeezing it.

Cas nodded, "I know but I would like it to not effect how we were as much. I'm still Castiel."

Michael nodded, "We'll give you some space but you'll tell one of us if you need us, won't you?"

Cas nodded, "I will."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After eating, Dean and Cas went to the living room, where Cas and him had been sleeping because there was so much blood in Cas's room still.

The carpenter's were supposed to be coming soon to put new carpet in.

Dean turned to Cas after a few minutes of just mindless watching TV, "Do you want to come to my house? I know they're all wanting to see you. It'll be a change of scenery."

Cas looked down, fiddling with his hands, "I don't know..."

Dean smiled softly, taking Cas's hand, "It'll be okay. I promise."

Dean dragged Cas off the couch and led him towards the door, "Michael I'm going to take Cas over to my house."

Michael appeared and stared worriedly at Cas, "If he's okay with it then okay."

Cas nodded and smiled slightly. Dean pulled him to his car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they got there, Cas was immediately enveloped in a hug by Ellen.

Cas awkwardly hugged back, Dean smiled softly.

Ellen pulled back and held him at arms length, her hands moved to cup his cheeks.

Cas tried to not feel uncomfortable.

"How're you doing?"

"I'm doing okay Ellen, thank you."

Dean wrapped an arm around Cas's waist, "where's Sam and Jo?"

"Him and Jo and Benny, I believe, are in Sam's room, playing a game."

Dean nodded and led Cas to Sam's room. Cas hopes Jo and Benny weren't doing any coupley stuff.

Dean busted in Sam's room, making the three jump, "hey guys!"

Cas stood silently behind Dean, glad Jo and Benny weren't doing anything. 

Everyone's eyes went to Cas. Sam's face broke into a smile, he ran and hugged him, "Cas!" Soon Jo was hugging him too and Benny and Dean were hugging.

Cas didn't like all this attention, it's what he wanted to get away from at his own house.

"Do you and Dean wanna join our game?"

Cas gave a small smile and looked to Dean, who shrugged, Cas looked back to Sam, "Sure."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"SCORE! BEAT THAT DEAN WINCHESTER!"

Jo cheered while Dean sulked, she turned to Benny and threw herself at him, kissing him.

Cas and Deans mouth hung open, both for different reasons.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?!?"

Everyone cringed at Deans yelling, he was huffing and shaking. Cas was reluctant to touch him.

He gently laid a hand on Deans shoulder, "Dean-"

Deans head snapped to Cas, "Did you know about this happening?" He turned to Jo and Benny, "When did this happen?!?"

Jo cringed again, "About a month ago..."

"And you were not just gonna tell me??" Dean turned his glare to Benny, "And you! How dare you-"

Jo frowned and cut Dean off, "This is why we didn't tell you Dean! Because we knew you'd freak out! You're so protective over everyone and that's great and all but I am a grown girl, I can make my own choices! God! You act more like my dad then my actual dad!!"

Dean frowned and stood up, walking out of the house, in the scrapyard.

Cas ran after him, "Dean!" Cas grabbed Deans arm and stopped him, "What is going on with you Dean? Benny's a good guy for Jo, you know he won't do anything to hurt her."

Cas was surprised when Dean turned around and he saw tears falling down Deans face, it stopped him in his tracks, "Dean..."

Dean sighed and looked up, blinking rapidly.

Cas wrapped his arms around Deans neck, resting their foreheads together, "What's wrong?"

Deans arms wrapped around Cas, "I-I'm just so tired and stressed from all of what's happened."

Cas instantly felt bad, he had no idea that doing what he done would have had this big of an effect.

"I'm sorry Dean. I'm so sorry."

Dean was sobbing into Cas's neck, Cas held him tightly.

Jo, Benny, Sam, Bobby, and Ellen were watching from the window. They saw Dean start to cry and saw Cas wrap his arms around Dean. They watched as Dean started sobbing into Cas's neck.

Their hearts broke.

Dean was always the rock in tough situations. He was always trying to make people feel better, happy. It was only given time before all that pressure broke him.

Everyone ran from the window when they saw Dean and Cas turning towards the house.

They were all in the kitchen when the two stepped in.

"Uh, we're just going to go to sleep."

They looked at the couple, Dean's head was down, looking at the ground. Cas had his hand wrapped around Deans.

"Okay boys, get some rest."

Cas nodded and led Dean to the stairs, before they could go up them though, Jo called out.

"Dean!"

Dean looked up and over at Jo.

His eyes were red and puffy.

Jo ran up to him and hugged him, "I'm sorry. We should have told you. I appreciate you for protecting me like the big brother I never had."

Dean gave a small smile, "it's okay. I'm happy it's Benny and not some douche."

Jo let go of him and stepped back. Cas pulled Dean upstairs and to Deans room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and sticking with me and this story. :)


	19. Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God. I'm sorry this went on such a long hiatus! My life's hectic with school, work, and personal stuff but I'm trying.
> 
> I have a whole week off of work so hopefully that means chapters! 
> 
> For all the ones that are interested in this story after so long, I love you. You're all wonderful and I hope you know that.

Cas closed the door when the two of them were in Dean's room.

Dean sat on his bed and slumped, his head in his hands.

Cas pushed his glasses up and walked over to Dean, sitting next to him.

"'M sorry."

Dean shook his head, looking up and giving a breathless chuckle, "no need to be sorry sweetheart. Life's full of heartache."

Cas scooted closer to Dean, intertwining their hands together, "no one deserves all this heartache Dean."

Dean looked at Cas, his face soft. He cupped his face with the hand that wasn't laced with Cas', leaning forward and kissing him softly.

"That goes for you too beautiful."

Cas's face flamed up and he looked down, twiddling his fingers with Dean's. Dean cupped his chin, making him look at him.

"I mean it Cas."

Cas nodded and leaned up to kiss him again, this time a little deeper. 

Cas's glasses bumped on Dean's face and he chuckled lowly, lifting his hand to remove them from his boyfriend's face and setting them on his bedside table.

Dean pulled Cas onto his lap, wrapping his arms around his back, kissing him again.

Cas moaned as he felt the slight bulge of Dean's hardening cock against his thigh. 

His fingers drifted to Dean's pants, intending to undo them. Dean halted his movements. 

"Not so fast sweetheart. Wanna take my time with you baby."

Dean flipped them so he was over Cas, in-between his legs. He went back to kissing him, grinding his hips down into Cas's, making him groan.

Dean grinned against his mouth, slowing his grind to make his boyfriend really feel it.

Cas's responding groan was louder and seperated the two, "Dean. Come on. Please."

Dean chuckled, "can't be so loud baby. Don't want anyone to hear you, do you baby? Or do you get off at the chance of someone hearing you?"

Dean's next grind was hard against Cas's hips, Cas moaned loudly, hand slapping over his mouth.

He leaned over his boyfriend and to his bedside drawer, getting the lube out. Cas stripped.

Dean stripped himself and then grabbed the lube he set aside, slicking his fingers.

His fingers probed at Cas's hole, slowly pushing one in.

Cas groaned, "more Deeaann."

Dean smiled and probed around the hole with a second finger, slowly pushing in."

"G-Go faster. Please!"

Dean shook his head no, massaging Cas's hole with a third finger.

"You think you're ready?"

Case nodded his head frantically.

Dean pushed his third finger in, scissoring Cas open.

When Dean deemed him ready, he pulled his fingers out and lubed himself up.

"Ready?"

Cas looked at Dean over him and then pulled Dean down, smashing their lips together.

When they broke apart, they were breathless.

"I'm ready."

Dean pushed in slowly, groaning when he got all the way in.

Dean gave Pecos to Cas's lips, speaking in-between, giving a thrust with every word.

"So"-thrust-"fucking"-thrust-"perfect"-thrust-"never "gonna"-thrust-"get"-thrust-"enough."-thrust-

Cas moaned, nails scratching Dean's back, leaving red steaks.

Dean sped up his thrusts, slamming in deep.

Cas went to go touch his dick but Dean's hand slapped it away, "no baby. Just me."

Cas groaned but it wasn't long until his dick jerked and he was shooting all over himself.

Dean moaned, attaching his lips to Cas's pulse point.

When he came he slammed in deep and bit down on Cas's neck hard enough to break the skin, causing an unexpected orgasm to come from Cas, who jerked and cried out.

As Dean came down, he soothed the bite with his tongue.

"Mm, sorry. Got carried away, you just feel too good babe."

Cas laughed and Dean realized he doesn't hear that laugh as often as he wants too. He's got to make his boyfriend laugh more.

Dean pulled out and cleaned them up, "we should take a nap."

Cas snuggled into his chest and yawned, nodding.

Dean kissed his head and whispered, "not gonna run out on me are ya?"

Cas shook his head and pushed more into Dean's chest. 

Dean held him tightly, hand running through the shaggy brunette hair, he loved.

"Love you Cas."

It was mumbled but it still made Dean smile, "mlovr you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not the end!


	20. Confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm back!! With an update! I'm already knowing what the next chapter is gonna be about. I'm gonna start writing it, hopefully it won't be take long to get out.
> 
> I'd like to note, that this story is over courses of months, Dean and Cas have been dating for a little while by now but still have a lot to explore about each other.

The next morning Dean woke up before Cas. He was happy to see his angel didn't run away from him again.

He gently moved Cas off of him and got out of bed, but not before planting a kiss on his forehead.

Dean threw some PJs and a t-shirt on and went downstairs.

He just finished making a bowl of cereal when there was a knock at the door.

With a spoonful halfway to his mouth, Dean placed his cereal down and walked to the door.

He looked through the peephole and felt anger building up.

He put on a murderous face and opened the door.

"What."

"Is that anyway to talk your father?"

"You're not my father. Not after all the shit you put me through."

John scoffed, "your right, not since you became a faggot. You still with that boy?"

Arms wrapped around Dean's waist and a head popped over his shoulder, "he is."

John's face went to disgusted and disappointment. 

"Fucking faggot. Listen, I just want Sammy and then I'll be gone."

Dean stood take, "like hell you're taking him."

John growled, stepping forward, "listen here you cocksucking faggot. Sam's my son and I'll take him if I want too. Now you either let him come willing or I take him by force."

Dean growled, Cas's arms dropped from his waist.

Before John or Dean realized, Cas aimed his fist at Johns jaw. There were cracks as it connected, sending John stumbling back.

John wiped his lip and looked at Cas, "wow faggots got a punch." John growled, "give me Sam or else."

There was a gun cocking behind Cas and Dean and they turned to see Bobby with a loaded rifle. Pointed right at John.

"Get the fuck off my property before I blow your head off."

John scoffed, "you won't-"

The gun went off and embedded in John's arm, "son of a bitch!"

Bobby pointed it at him still, "now get the fuck off my property."

John growled, gripping his arm. He stormed off.

Dean turned and cradled Cas' hand he used to hit his dad, "what the hell Cas?"

Cas smiled sheepishly, "your dad shouldn't speak to you like that Dean."

Dean tsked, "it doesn't matter. He could've came at you man. Socking him in the face like that."

Bobby tsked, "ice his hand, I'm going back to my study."

Dean dragged Cas to the kitchen, grabbing an ice pack from the freezer. Taking a seat next to Cas.

They were silent as they iced Cas's hand, that was until Cas spoke.

"You're willing, you know."

Dean looked up, confused, "what do you mean?"

"It does matter. That your dad talks to you like that. It matters to you. So, it matters to me. You hate that he hates you."

Dean sagged in his chair, "I mean, ya. But if I had to choose between you two, it'd always be you. I need you a hell'a lot more than I need him."

Cas's eyes watered, "Dean..."

Dean's thumb rubbed the white lines inside of Cas's wrist, "it's true. And I hate that you ever doubt that but I know that it's partly my fault and life's fault. But I grown to need you a lot and I do don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you."

Cas smiled.

Dean chewed his lip, "hey Cas?"

"Hm?"

Dean didn't look at him, just stared at their hands, chewing his lip.

"I know it would be hard and all..."

Cas's eyebrows furrowed, "what're you talking about? What's going to be hard?"

Dean looked up to Cas, "I was thinking... I don't want to keep mooching off Bobby and Ellen and I'd actually like to get my own place- I was wondering if you'd like too with me?"

Cas's eyebrows rose, "you're kidding?"

Dean soon his head no, "I found a job at a mechanics, got accepted to Lebanon community college good auto mechanics. After we graduate, I'll be working full time. I want to move out on my own and I want you with me, that is if you're not going away to college..."

Cas shook his head no, "going to the community college too, for EMT paramedic's."

Dean gave a small smile, "so?"

Cas smiled, "I'd love to move in with you Dean, if you are sure that is truly what you want."

Dean home, "ya baby, it is."


	21. Relapse

Dean watched as Cas pulled one of his shirts on, it falling gracefully on his shoulders.

Dean walked up to him and kissed the back of his neck, "'M happy you said yes."

Cas leaned his neck out more for Dean to have access to it, breathing heavily, "me too. I'm excited to live with you. To be able to also get away from all of my siblings..."

Dean smiled, we're so going to get sick of each other."

Cas turned around, arms wrapping around Dean's neck, "I will never get tired of you." He leaned in and kissed him tenderly, "I hope that goes the same for you."

Dean smiled, "most definitely."

"I gotta go though. There are some papers and legal stuff I need to work out at my new job. You should probably go home. You have therapy don't you?"

Cas nodded. Dean leaned in and kissed him, "I love you."

Cas smiled, "I love you too."

Dean grabbed his jacket and left. Cas sighed and then gathered his things. He walked down the hall to Sam's room, knocking.

"Ya?"

Cas peeked his head in and smiled, "I'm leaving. Your brother left already to go to his job and sort some things out so I'm gonna take off. I'll see you later Sam."

Sam nodded, "bye Cas! I'm really happy you're still here... I know Dean would be a wreck if you weren't."

Cas smiled softly, "thank you Sam. I'm glad too."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cas sighed as he opened the door to his house, taking in the smell of Gabriel's cooking.

"Cassie!"

Cas smiled and swooped Anna in his arms as she came running into them, "Hi baby girl! How're you doing?"

Anna giggled, "I'm good! Gabb gave me a cupcake he made! It's yummy!"

"I bet it is."

Micheal came down the stairs, "Oh hey Cas, thought you'd be at Deans until your session."

Cas sat Anna down and she took off running, "no, Dean has to go to his new job and get some stuff settled so I just came home."

Micheal nodded and walked into the kitchen, Castiel following.

Cas played with his shirt, "I was thinking..."

Michael and Gabriel both turned to him, "I was thinking of getting a job... A real one... with a constant paycheck unlike the charity that I do that I get tips from..."

Gabriel grinned and Michael's brows creased.

"Are you sure Cas, with all you have going on?"

He nodded, "School is almost over. I'll be graduating soon and I only have three one hour sessions a week for therapy. Plus..."

"Plus what?"

Cas cleared his throat, "Uhm... Dean had asked me to move in with him... When he finds a place..."

Gabriel's grin was taking up the whole of his face, Michael looked shocked.

"You're gonna be... Moving out?"

Castiel nodded, "ya... I would like too..."

Michael cleared his throat, "I-I guess... Okay, if you think you can handle it and it's truly what you want Castiel."

The man nodded and smiled, "it is Michael. I really want to live with him..."

Michael nodded, "okay... Well then I guess you will need a job to be able to pay rent..."

Gabriel piped up then, "My place needs a waiter. If you want Cassie."

Cas smiled at his big brother, "that'd be great Gabe."

Gabriel smiled and nodded, "well great! You start Saturday. I'll start you at... $10 an hour, is that okay?"

Cas nodded and walked to his brother, hugging him, "yes. thank you!"

Gabriel waved him off, "you will need to train first, that's what you'll be doing Saturday then when you get the hang of it, we'll put you out on the floor."

"Thanks Gabriel." Cas let go of his brother and looked at the time, "I'm going to go get ready for my session."

His two brothers nodded and he left, going to his room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cas sat in the chair in his therapist's office.

"Hello Castiel, how are you doing since your last visit?"

Castiel smiled, "I'm doing good. A lot has happened since then."

Ms. Riley sat down in her chair and laid her notebook on her lap, giving Castiel her full attention, "Okay, tell me. What happened?"

Cas looked down to his lap, fiddling with his fingers, and smiled, "my boyfriend's father showed up to his house when I was there and he was being an asshole so I decked him in the face..."

Ms. Riley nodded, "and why did you do that?"

"He was trying to take Dean's little brother away and was calling him names. It made me angry but after, I had felt... Good. It was nice to defend Dean like that and to defend our relationship."

His therapist nodded, "it helped get some of your anger out at that man, you think?"

Cas nodded, "ya and then Dean cleaned my hand and told me he got a job and asked me to move in with him."

Ms. Riley's eyebrows shot up, "oh wow. That's exciting. What did you tell him?"

Cas smiled, "I said yes... I really would like to live with him, to be able to wake up to him everyday would be... Amazing."

Ms. Riley smiled, "sounds like you're happy. That you're ready for this change."

Cas nodded, "I think I am. My brother, Michael, he was hesitant to agree but he is on board and I'm happy about that. My other brother Gabriel even gave me a job at his Bakery, as a waiter. So I can pay my share of rent."

"That is great Castiel! I'm glad to see life is going okay and you are comfortable in your own skin again."

Cas smiled, "thank you..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean shook the hand of his new boss, "thanks sir. I'll see you next week."

His boss, Mark, nodded, "thanks for coming in and settling some technical stuff. See you next week Dean, You'll be a great addition to my team."

Dean smiled and walked out of his new employment, a girl bumping into him and dropping her books.

"Shit... I'm so sorry!"

Dean bent down and helped pick her books up, looking up at the girl, "Lisa?"

The girl looked up at him, "Dean?"

Dean nodded and stood, Lisa following.

"Oh, uh how are you?"

He smiled, "I'm doing good. Just got a job... I don't see you around school much anymore."

Lisa smiled, "Ya... I had broken my ankle and was laid up at home, I had someone bring me homework and notes."

"oh, well it's great that you're walking around again."

Lisa chuckled, "ya... Say... do you wanna catch up? Maybe we could go back to your place and talk?"

Dean stumbled over his words, :"u-uh, I should probably-"

Lisa latched onto his arm, "oh, c'mon! It'll be fun!"

Dean shrugged her off, "okay, fine."

Dean walked to his car and opened the passenger door for Lisa, shutting it behind her as she got in the car.

He drove back home.

As the two walked in, Sam came running, "hey Dean, Ca- oh hey Lisa..."

Lisa smiled, "hi Sammy."

Sam huffed, "it's Sam."

Dean hung up their coats, "what were you saying Sam?"

Sam shook his head, "never mind. You haven't looked at your phone recently, have you?"

Dean frowned, "no, not recently."

Sam sighed, "just check it. I'll be in my room, bye Lisa."

"Bye Sammy!"

That time both Sam and Dean cringed. Dean walked to the living room, Lisa following, pulling out his phone. The two sat on the couch.

He received two messages from Cas.

_Cas: Hi Dean. I had told Michael and Gabriel about moving out, Michael was hesitant. Gabriel gave me a job at his bakery! I'll be a waiter there. :)_

_Cas: My therapy session went great. Message me when you can. <3_

Dean smiled, sending a quick reply back,  _'That's great baby. I can't wait to find a place and move in. I'm glad they're okay with it. We should go out and celebrate later tonight.'_

"So Dean, tell me how your life's been since we broke up."

Dean put his phone away and looked back to Lisa, "it's been good. Been counting the days till graduation. Spending time with Cas."

Her face wrinkled in distaste, "right... your boyfriend, Castiel Novak. The freak."

Dean frowned, "Lisa-"

Lisa held up her hands, "sorry, I didn't mean no disrespect. That's just what he was called. It just sticks with ya."

Dean huffed, "I'd appreciate it if you didn't call him that. You don't even know him."

Lisa nodded and scooted closer to Dean, draping herself over him, "you're right. I don't know him but I know you. It was quite a surprise to hear the infamous womanizer Dean Winchester had a boyfriend."

Her hand trailed down by his waistband, Dean shifted uncomfortably, she whispered, "if I remember correctly, you were all about getting into a girls pants. I remember how skillful your tongue use to be on my pussy," her hand trailed to his crotch, "how good you were with this." She squeezed as her lips attatched to his and Dean shot up, moving far away from Lisa.

"I think you should leave."

Lisa looked at him with a serious look, "you serious?" She stood up and moved toward him, prompting him to back up more, "you're going to decline getting into my pants?"

Dean huffed, "I already have someone Lisa. I don't need you, nor do I want you and I'd appreciate it if you didn't feel me up."

Lisa huffed then too, "didn't peg you as a faggot Dean. You sure were in the closet on that one for a long time. I guess I'll be going then. Goodbye Dean."

Dean walked her to the door, "bye slut." Then he slammed the door on her, not looking at her reaction to that.

Dean sighed and ran a hand down his face, he pushed off the door and walked down to Sam's room and knocked.

"Ya!!"

Dean opened the door and walked in, "hey Sammy..."

Sam sat his laptop down, "what's up Dean? Lisa gone?"

Dean cleared his throat and sat on Sams bed, "uh, ya. Ya, she is..."

Sam looked at Dean, "are you okay?"

Dean sighed and slumped, "Lisa... she- she felt me up and kissed me."

"Dude!"

Dean huffed, "I know Sam."

"Did you push her away?"

Dean nodded, "immediately. Then we fought and I told her to get out. I'm gonna have to tell Cas..."

Sam nodded, "ya... Though, you pushed her away and you didn't want that. He'll understand. It's not like you initiated it."

"Ya, I know. I'm taking him out to celebrate him getting a job so, maybe I'll tell him then." His phone vibrated and he looked at it.

_Cas: Sounds good. I'll see you later then._

Dean sighed, "I should go call him. I'll see you later Sammy."

Dean left and went to his room, dialing Cas's number.

_'Hi Dean. Anna, no don't eat that! Sorry, I'm currently watching my little sister for Gabriel.'_

"Uh, so I was wondering if you wanted to go out at like seven, go to a nice restaurant?"

_'Sounds lovely. Seven it is.'_

Dean cleared his throat, "Ya. Tell Anna I say hi."

_'Will do. Bye Dean, love you."_

Dean gave a strained smile, "Love you too."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The date went well. The food was great and Cas was happy.

Dean was now driving back to Cas's place, his palms sweating like a horse.

He parked the Impala and as Cas gave him a kiss and got out, so did he.

"Cas?"

Cas looked back at him, "ya?"

Dean walked over to him, "you know I would never-" He cut himself off and took a breath, "I need to tell you something."

Cas stood there patiently, anxiety ridden.

"I bumped into Lisa today as I was leaving my job... She insisted that we go back to my place and catch up."

Cas nodded, "okay? That's not so bad Dean, why are you-?"

"She came onto me and groped me and kissed me. But I swear I moved away as fast as I could and told her I had someone!"

Cas was silent.

"Baby?"

Cas looked down then back up, "I mean... You didn't reciprocate it so it's not really your fault..."

Dean relaxed and walked closer to his boyfriend, pulling him in, "I didn't think she'd do that, But I kicked her out and called her a slut as I slammed the door. I am so sorry."

Cas cuddled into Dean's chest, speaking into it, "i-it's okay Dean. It wasn't your fault. Thank you for telling me."

Dean kissed Cas's head, "I'll see you tomorrow baby. Get some sleep."

Cas nodded and let go Dean, going inside and straight to his room. His room finally cleaned of the mess he had made.

Cas huffed as tears started to burn his eyes. He didn't know why he was crying. Dean didn't cheat on him, he didn't want Lisa's advances. He still loves  _him_. So why is he crying?

It's because he hasn't had a breakdown in forever, he knows. He hates this. He hates that he has to breakdown. Everything is fine. It is!

Yet he's searching in his drawers for the one comfort that has never let him down.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean groaned the next day as Sam was up and bugging him too early in the morning.

"Go away Sam." Dean pulled his pillow over his head

"Dude, come on! We're all going."

Dean groaned again, "go without me. You don't need me to go with you all shopping."

Sam huffed, "you'd go if Cas was going."

"Cas isn't here though and I want to sleep. Go away."

Sam huffed, "come onnnn!" 

Dean growled and threw his pillow at his annoying brother, "fine! Give me five minutes."

"Great!" Then Sam was gone out the door and Dean huffed, falling back in his bed.

He grabbed his phone to check for messages, it was the first time in like a week or so since him and Cas hadn't slept in the same bed.

He had no messages.

None. 

None from his boyfriend or anyone else. Dean opened a new message to Cas.

_'Hey baby. I don't know if you're up yet but I am. My idiot brother got me up to go shopping with the family. I'll swing by after if that's cool. Have a good day babe.'_

Dean dropped his phone on the bed and got up, groaning. He pulled on pants and a shirt and flannel, grabbing his keys and phone and walked downstairs.

"The dead has risen!"

Dean huffed, "screw you Jo. I was perfectly happy to just sleep in."

Jo grinned, swinging her hand that was intertwined with Benny's.

"Hey brotha', I told them to let you sleep."

Dean gave a smile at Benny, grabbing Sam and nooging him, "ya but I bet these two didn't care."

"Dean!" Sam pushed at Dean, separating them and huffing as he fixed his hair. Dean laughed.

"Let's get going crew!"

~~~~~~~~~~~

Cas woke up with a pounding headache. He hated when he cried himself to sleep, he always felt like shit the next day.

There was banging on his door, "Cassie! Get up! Breakfast is ready!"

Cas cleared his throat, "be there in a second!"

He looked down to his wrists and winced. They were torn up. Makeup wouldn't cover it efficient enough, long sleeve it is.

He got dressed and headed downstairs.

Cas checked his phone and smiled at Dean's message, sending a quick reply to him.

Cas completely had forgotten about last night and his breakdown...

~~~~~~~~~

Dean smiled as the door was opened and Cas flung himself at him.

"Hey! Missed me?" Dean chuckled as Cas backed up and pulled him into a kiss.

"I did."

Dean grinned. Cas let him inside and took him up to his room.

"So. I had found a small little place for us."

Cas smiled and sat on his bed, Dean beside him, "you did?"

Dean nodded, "Cost $560 for rent. One bedroom, one bath, full kitchen. Even has its own washer and dryer."

Cas smiled big, "it sounds perfect."

Dean leaned forward and cupped his cheek, "I'm glad it does. I called to schedule a visit Thursday after school, if that's okay."

Cas nodded, Dean moved forward and leaned Castiel down on his bed. Dean hovered over him.

He started to sensually kiss at Cas's neck, "can't wait to have our own place. Get to be with you every night. Have you wherever and whenever I want."

Cas moaned, hands twining into Dean's hair and pulling. Dean's hands traveled to Cas's shirt, pulling it up and off.

Cas's hands scratched at Deans back, pulling his shirt up. Dean leaned back and pulled his shirts off, undoing his pants and taking them and his boxers off with it. He dragged Cas's own pants and boxers down with it.

Dean kissed Cas furiously and grabbed his wrists, holding them tight above his head. Dean bit Cas's lip, who hissed.

Dean worked his hips against Cas's and got a rhythm going. He brought a hand down to Cas's jaw and was about to caress but stopped.

He stopped everything and stared at his hand.

Cas opened his eyes and looked at Dean.

"My hand... is red..." Dean sat up and took his hands off Cas, looking at them both. They were both stained red.

"Dean-"

Dean grabbed Cas's wrists and showed them to himself. He saw the cuts Cas had made the night before, all freshly reopened.

"O-oh my god."

He clearly wasn't hard anymore.

Dean got off of Cas and grabbed a towel, wiping his hands and then wrapping Cas's wrists in it.

"Why didn't you tell me? When did you do this?"

Cas stuttered, "l-last night."

"When I dropped you off? Why?"

Cas sat up against his headboard, "I had a meltdown. I couldn't stop myself. I needed it."

Dean sighed and sat next to him, "baby. That's why you call me or go talk to one of your siblings. Doing  _that_ won't help you. Do any of your brothers know?"

Cas shook his head no. Dean sighed and pulled Cas in, "okay baby. It's okay."

Cas snuggled into Deans chest, squeezing his eyes shut, tears leaking from his eyes.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.


End file.
